


The Story of Us

by Pipersmoon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, College, Destiel - Freeform, Fighters, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 08:59:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 29,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5779699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pipersmoon/pseuds/Pipersmoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is a young college professor and Dean is a student by day and a fighter by night. Their love seemed to bloom over night, but as fast as something comes, it can also go. Can they move past the tragedy that keeps driving a wedge between them? Will their love overcome all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel saw the crowd gathered and immediately started altering his path so he could put some distance between himself and the cheering mass. A fight was in full swing but he had no desire to get lost in the screaming throng of college kids. Sure, he enjoyed a good boxing match as much as the next guy but now was not the time. He was late for his very first class and that was doing a number on his nerves.

Having moved as far as he could from the ever growing brawl, without going the wrong way, he was almost home free when a loud cheer and the sound of laughter signaled the fight was over and bodies began to scatter. Too close to turn back the crowd seemed to be heading towards the same building and suddenly the world tilts. Two hands shoot out and grab his shoulders to prevent what promised to be a spectacular fall.

"Whoa there, steady." A rich, velvety voice says as the world rights itself just as fast as it tipped.

"I'm sorry man"

Castiel heard as he looked up at the greenest eyes he had ever seen.

"Itsfine" he slurs.

The crowd pushes and those green eyes were gone just as fast as they had appeared. Castiel stood there for a moment, letting the students fork around him. He shook his head to try and knock the imprint of those eyes out of his mind, but he could still feel his skin burning from where strong hands had gripped him tight. As the last trickle of bodies moved around him, Castiel looked at his watch, swore, and started jogging up the path. All thoughts of green eyes and electric hands lost as he scrambled to his first class.

Coming to a stop outside the class, Castiel takes a moment to catch his breath and straighten his tie. Nervous didn't really begin to describe how he was feeling. His sweating, shaking hands and knocking knees were a sure fire give away. At least to him.

"Here goes nothing" he said under his breath and grabbed the doorknob, pulling for a few seconds before he realizes its a push door.

The classroom was large, larger than he remembered it and about half the seats were occupied. Countless eyes just staring at him and making him wonder if he's dreaming again. He tried to pull off a confident swagger and then chuckled to himself over thinking he had any "swag" whatsoever. Nerves just made him a bigger dork unfortunately.

Walking swiftly to his desk, Castiel deposits his bag on the floor and removes his trench coat and lays it across the back of his chair. Not really lifting his head, he clears his throat and begins.

" I apologize for running late. I guess I don't know this campus as well as I thought. " he chuckled.

Looking up to the still silent room, he really was beginning to panic. He was such an idiot to think he could do this. Hadn't they all said so? Realizing that he was fiddling with his phone, he set it on his desk when two things happened very quickly.

As soon as he removed his hand from his phone his music app blared on, pumping Taylor Swifts " Trouble" to the entire room just as the door swung open and he walked in.  
Juggling his phone now to try and stop the music, he dropped it completely when he saw those green eyes. His phone hit the floor with a loud smack and Taylor sang on.

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in"

Like being hit by a truck Castiel jerked into motion, scooping his phone up and powering it off as quickly as he could.

"Not my normal theme music, but I'll take it" the green eyed man laughed as Castiel turned a deep shade of red. Castiel simply stood there, mouth slightly hanging open, just staring at the beautiful green eyed man. Watching as he walked across the open space and found a seat about halfway back. Castiel snapped out of his reverie and turned to walk to the over-sized chalkboard and wrote:

CASTIEL NOVAK

INTRODUCTION TO ANCIENT CHRISTIANITY

Setting the chalk down he turns back to face the class. Wiping his hands on his jeans he makes a point to look everywhere, except at the green eyed man.

"So" he began softly, clearing his throat he starts again, louder " So, Introduction to Ancient Christianity. That's this class, but you already know that, what you don't know is who I am" he stops as he pulls a large book from his bag.

" I am Castiel Novak and yes I am as young as I look. This is not a cake walk class though and believe me, I'm smarter than I look" A few chuckles came with that and he could feel the sweat forming on his forehead as he continued to ramble and pretend the green eyed man was invisible.

"Yes this is my first class and I would love to tell you how hard its going to be."  
Setting the book down on his desk he glances at his watch and lets loose a low sigh.

"Seeing as how today has been a thorough disaster let's call it a day and start tomorrow. Make sure you all have a copy of the assigned textbook and stay alert."

Castiel gathered up his bag and trench coat and headed to the exit, pausing briefly to face the class once more and letting his eyes light on the green eyed man before turning back to the door saying,

" You never know when angels are watching you"


	2. Chapter 2

Killing the engine, Castiel leaned his head against the steering wheel. I guess overall things could be worse. It's not like he planned on doing much of anything in class, but he desperately wanted to be cool. He had never been cool so he had no idea why he thought he could pull it off.

Raising his head, an afternoon shower was kicking off, he thought back briefly to those green eyes.

Castiel was not overly experienced in the love department. He had dated a few men in his life. Well, he had one date and fooled around with a guy in college, but that was the extent of his romantic resume. He had excelled at academics and had graduated college by the ripe age of 20. Always being younger than his peers had limited his dating pool. Castiel had come out to his family a long time ago, and while no one treated him differently, no one talked about it either. He hadn't paraded men in front of his family, although if he had, it's doubtful anyone would have paid him much attention. His father was a workaholic and never around and his brothers spent to much time fighting to really pay attention to him, other than to remind him that he was, in fact, a loser.

Steering his thoughts away from his family he landed squarely back in those eyes. If he tried hard enough, he could still feel the heat of those strong hands on him again. It was ridiculous, of course, to be thinking about him. He didn't even know his name! Castiel had just named him the green eyed man and honestly it needed to stay this way. He only had one year to prove to the college that hiring him wasn't a mistake. He really didn't want to mess this up. As smart as he was, it wasn't until his second year of studies that he fell hard for Ancient Religions, but when he did, oh man. He knew if this didn't work out that his dad would expect him to go into the family business and that just wasn't for him. The college didn't pay much, but he had a part time job as a pizza delivery man and between the two jobs he could afford to stay here with no help from his family. Colorado suited him better anyway. He loved the quiet. It was never quiet back home. Even the insects were loud in Louisiana. And the heat! Oh how he didn't miss the heat. The sticky August months that left an entire state wringing wet for the end of the summer. Here was different. Colorado was not sticky at all. He had spend many hours and days just hiking mountain trails or enjoying the view of Pikes Peak or just riding in his car.

Grabbing his bag from the passenger seat, Castiel finally made his way up to his apartment. The afternoon rain has stopped and he had the night off from deliveries. His apartment wasn't much but it was his favorite space. Everything was his and there was no one to complain or criticize him about the obscene amount of books or his eclectic taste in music. His small one bedroom looked like a comic con and a library simultaneously blew up and he loved every inch of it.

Locking the door, he flicked open his phone, scrolled down a bit then placed it in the music dock. Soon the apartment was filled with the Spill Canvas and Castiel happily sang along as he popped in the shower.

Singing along with his favorite playlist, he thought about how to spend his last night before school really started. He might only have one class but it was five days a week. Between his two jobs, free nights were fixing to be a thing of the past. He could always go hang out at the college, but he was trying really hard to be professional and not use his students as his only friends. His age was going to make this hard enough, the last thing he needed was someone thinking they'd catch a break because they'd had a few drinks with their teacher. Denver was only and hour away and provided a much larger landscape to get lost in. Plus, even if he decided not to do anything, it was still a nice drive.

Stepping from the shower, Castiel dried and dressed quickly. Slacks, and a simple white button up. His style was basic at best. Checking to make sure he had everything: keys, wallet, phone and then grabbing his well worn trench coat, he was out the door and on the road. The image of green eyes lost as he thought about a full night out and ticked off the miles.


	3. Chapter 3

The night went much like any other. Castiel went to his favorite bar, had a few of his favorite drinks and played a few games of his favorite game, pool. Then spent the next few hours walking around. He loved Denver at night. Downtown Denver, the lights, the smells, the melting pot of people and new and old buildings mixed together. In those ways it reminded him of back down south. Walking slowly back to where he had parked, he fully lost himself til he was in an unfamiliar area and way past his car. Simple fix, he thought and just turned and started retracing his steps back. He was so lost in the city that he didn't notice them at first, but he suddenly felt the hair raise on the back of his neck. That's when he noticed the footsteps. Sneaking a quick glance over his shoulder he saw the three men following him. Surely he was just being paranoid from being lost. Regardless, he quickened his pace. He wasn't scared of getting in a fight, but 3 on 1 had a surefire outcome of him NOT being the winner. He had almost convinced himself that it was all in his head when he was jerked backwards with such a force that the sidewalk knocked all the air from his lungs.

"Sorry boy, don't know my own strength." one guy chuckled at him.

Feeling his chest burn as it fought to remember how to breath, he frantically thought about how to get away.

" Here, why dontcha let me hold yer wallet fer ya while ya get up." the second man laughed

The two men exchanged a smile then turned to the third man, who's physique could beat be described as resembling a small truck. He cracked his knuckles and gave Castiel a very scary smile.

" Well, this is really happening" Castiel thought to himself. He knew how this worked, he would hand over whatever they wanted and hope that he didn't end up beaten to the point of needing a hospital. Bullies were the same no matter the geography. Having finally caught his breath, he was looking from one thug to another when he heard the commotion up the block.

Loud laughter and a drunken chorus of "Baby got back" came floating down the sidewalk. A small group of guys had rounded the corner and had came to a complete stop upon seeing the almost mugging.

"There you are Castiel! We've been looking for you!" Came a voice from the back of the group. He couldn't place it but he was sure he'd heard it before. The group of guys brought forth a surge of courage from Castiel

" Well ya found me, wanna meet my new friends?" He asked as he lifted himself from the sidewalk and brushed off his hands. The three thugs seemed to weight their options for a moment before turning tail and running down a nearby alley. Watching them retreat until he could no longer see them, he turned to thank his merry band of saviors, and he HAD meant to say thank you but when he opened his mouth

"Do I know you?" Came out instead. The group started looking at one another shaking their heads when the voice from the back stepped forward.

"Yeah, I'm Trouble remember? " the voice laughed.

Castiel was speechless. The work boots and faded jeans gave way to a tight black tee shirt and green hunting jacket. His face was starting to show signs of needing a good shave against his strong jaw line and plump, pink lips. His vivid green eyes were shining, even in the dark, playfully throwing him a wink (WHAT WAS THAT? Castiel thought) and then licking those wonderful lips. The beautiful man moved towards him with measured steps, extending his hand to Castiel

" I'm Dean Winchester. We haven't officially met yet"


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel took his hand into his own, feeling the callouses skin against his own soft, bookwormish hand.

"Castiel. Well, but you knew that" he stuttered, it was class all over again. He went to release Deans hand but was unable to. Meeting Deans eyes, he winked again (what WAS that?!) And gave Castiel' s hand a squeeze before releasing him.

Laughing he nodded to each of the men around him

" This is Sammy" nod "Garth" nod "Ash" Jerking a thumb over his shoulder at the rather large man standing a few feet behind him  
"That's Benny. He don't get along with people well." Dean said with a smile still in his voice.

"I don't like stupid people." Benny grumbled as he jammed his hands in his pockets and turned his back on the group.

" Nice to meet you guys" Castiel said, his voice cracking. Clearing his throat he continued, "Thanks for stepping in and saying something. Those guys were walking with my wallet for sure before then." Castiel looked from one man to another as he spoke, so they could see that he meant what he said. Also he had to look somewhere, ANYWHERE but at Dean.

"No problem." Sammy said, slapping him on the back like they were old friends and pulling him towards the group talking about some party they were going to.  
" You should come man" Sammy said as they walked back in the direction of his car.

" oh, oh I don't kn.." he began

"Come ON man!" Ash said " Dean's gonna be fighting, you don't wanna miss that!!" He finished with a howl at the moon. Somehow that set it off and soon all the guys were howling at the crescent sliver in the sky. Before he knew it he'd been swept up in their energy and found himself pulling into a strange driveway as Ash and Garth discussed the fact that Dean was the best fighter they'd ever met. You could tell by the way they talked about him that they were fiercely proud of their friend.

Castiel parked in an already full yard, hardly missing that his Honda Civic was the cheapest car there. Then Dean pulled in. The shiny four door, black 1967 Chevy Impala looked brand new next to his car. Dean parked, gunned the engine as he laughed and jumped out of the car. Running his hand affectionately over the trunk he said,

"Castiel, this is baby" smiling down at his pride and joy. "Beautiful" Castiel said, but he wasn't looking at the car. Before he could turn away Dean caught his gaze, winking at him before strolling away.

What the hell WAS that? Castiel thought. He was good to think he imagined it earlier, but no, Dean had winked at him three times already. What. The. Actual. Hell? His heart was starting to race as the image of Deans full lips pressed against his own flashed through his head. Shaking his head like he was trying to get water out of his ears he almost bumped straight into Benny, who, at the moment was staring at him like he knew exactly what just flashed through his head. Taking a step back and straight into Garth, his head was swimming a little.

" Come on, You ain't seen nothing til you've seen Dean fight" Ash told him and gestured towards the light coming from the back. Castiel tried to get his bearings but the group shuffled him along. They seemed almost as excited for him to see Dean fight as they were.


	5. Chapter 5

A large backyard was lit up like a baseball field and packed with people. There was a small clearing near the middle and a projector was blasting the fighting area up onto the side of an extremely large house.

"Where are we?" He yelled in Ash's direction. Ash leaned down towards him, shouting to be heard  
"Oh just some trust fund baby's parents place. These cats got money to burn" And he took off, laughing as he went.

Suddenly a voice was booming over a sound system that seemed to circle the yard,

"Alright! Betting is closed! Let's get this party started! " and the entire backyard exploded with noise.

Castiel was a good foot shorter than the rest of the guys but after the build up in the car he really wanted to see Dean fight and NOT on a projector. He began pushing his way through the crowd with a lot of I'm sorry's and excuse me's. He made is way to what could only be called ringside and his jaw almost hit the floor. The work boots and faded jeans were still in place, but Dean had removed all clothing from the waist up. His skin was tan without being too dark. Each muscle on his body seemed to be etched into his skin. One look at the top of his jeans riding low and exposing the V of hip bones that should be illegal to look at. Castiel was so glued to Deans hip bones that he missed the introductions and Dean was suddenly dancing around the circle. From the look on the other guys face, he was over ready for this fight. The guy must have at least 100 lbs on Dean.

After a few minutes of circling, Goliath, as Castiel had named him, had thrown a few punches, all of which Dean had blocked. The crowd was getting restless and Castiel noticed he was chewing on his nails. Shoving his hands in his pockets he flinched when Dean landed his first punch. Then his second and third. Castiel found himself cheering with the rest of the crowd. Dean was smiling and waving at the crowd when Goliath came charging and landed a few body shots and connected with Dean's face so hard his feet came flying out from under him. A collective groan, peppered with Goliath fans cheering resounded as Dean made his way back to his feet. He was bleeding now and not lightly from what Castiel could see. His eyes seemed to be swelling and his beautiful lips were busted. Fear gripped him and he had a wild minute of wanting to run out and throw himself between Dean and the giant. Fighting the urge to defend him, Castiel watched intently as Dean wiped his face on his arm and spit blood into the damp grass. Goliath was smiling towards the crowd when Dean's eyes found Castiel. He smiled a bloody smile, kissed his knuckles and winked at him. Castiel couldn't stop the smile that lit up his face or the hot red blush that stained his cheeks.

Dean laughed and in what seemed to Castiel to be lightening speed he had Goliath on the ground with a huge gash above his right eye and a very dazed look. Goliath didn't get back up.

Castiel had never been to a live sporting event but he imagined that football stadiums sounded quieter than that backyard in August. Castiel was cheering just as loud as the rest. Jumping and pumping his fist in the air. Laughing and high five-ing strangers. He hadn't felt this light in, well, in a long damn time.

Suddenly he was being pushed into the circle with Dean. Ash and Garth moved past him to lift Dean onto their shoulders and dancing him around. Sammy was laughing as the two started in on a round of " we are the champions". When the guy with the mic walked over and handed Dean a fat wad of cash. Jumping from his friends shoulders, Dean pockets the cash and walks over to a petite brunette who was holding his clothes and looking at him in a way that screamed sex. She's stunning, Castiel thought and felt his stomach drop and his smile turn to plastic as Dean leaned over and whispered something in her ear that made her eyes light up.

Tugging at Ash's sleeve, he yelled that he was heading home. Ash leaned back and spread his arms in a " but everything is here" manner and eyed Castiel curiously. Castiel mimed that he was tired and shrugged his shoulders. Laughing Ash clapped him on the back and nodded his head. Pushing his way through the crowd and into the yard parking lot, he was out of breath and shaky when he reached his car.

Stupid, stupid Castiel he thought. You know better than to fall for straight guys. The thing was though, Dean had been sending some very mixed signals.

"OR" he thought " you just imagined the whole thing and read them wrong cause you wanted him to be gay"

At that very depressing though, Castiel climbed into his car, quickly shutting the door and pulling out of his parking space. Oh he was embarrassed. Beyond embarrassed. He felt like he was trying to outrun his shame. Rolling down his window to try and help him breath he thought he heard something., but ignored it pulling into the road and hitting the gas.

Right before he topped the hill and put the driveway outta sight, he could've sworn he saw someone run out into the road in his rear view mirror.


	6. Chapter 6

Time is a funny thing. Had it really been a month and a half since school started? The days all kinda bled together for a bit. He had been glad for the distraction, but now that things were settling down he let his mind wander. The day after his night out in Denver, Castiel had dreaded seeing Dean in his class. Sure that he would be able to tell that his teacher had a crush on him, but Dean wasn't there. Two days later he had gotten the email that Dean Winchester had rearranged his schedule and wouldn't be in Castiel's class until next semester. He remembered very well the feeling of relief mixed with disappointment. 

Now sitting here listening to Hozier, he let his mind bring up the green eyed boy for a bit. Castiel hadn't seen Dean since that night. He'd run into Sammy and Garth a few times, they always invited him out and he always declined. Ash was actually in his class and he was a genius. Castiel didn't throw that word around, being considered one himself, but Ash was off the charts smart. They had hung out a few times after class just talking about any and everything. They had a mutual respect for the others brain and their conversations never disappointed him. Castiel never asked about Dean and Ash didn't bring him up. Gathering his bags, he had to hurry now or he'd be late. A delivery shift tonight and then he had the entire weekend off and absolutely no plans.

Castiel had just finished up his shift and was almost home when his phone rang. He didn't recognize the number but his students had it so that was nothing new.

"Castiel speaking" he answered, pulling into his parking spot. "Hey man! Grab your jacket and come hang out!" Ash gushed into the phone."Dean's fighting again" he concluded.  
Castiel's heart fluttered at the mention of his name. Say no he coached himself.

"Oh, uh"

"No,'oh, uh' man come ON! The fights are always good" Ash insisted.

" Ok, text me the address and I'll meet up with you guys" he said, he really was such a pushover sometimes, and he really wanted to see Dean again, even if it was just as friends. At least that's what he kept telling himself. 

"No way man, you'll punk out. Dean's on his way to scoop you up. Get ready dork" and Ash hung up.

Castiel watched as his call ended and the screen faded to black. Springing into action he took the stairs three at a time and barreled through his front door like he was running from fire. Stripping in the living room, he made a mad dash for the shower. It really should've been timed he was in and out so fast. When he heard the knock at the door he was outta breath but dressed.

His hands were starting to sweat, that was stupid.Pulling open the door his already short breath caught in his throat. The sight of Dean standing there was enough to make his knees do their best jelly impersonation.

"Castiel! Man its been too long" Dean smiled as he greeted him like they'd known one another for years. "You ready?" He asked. Castiel held up his trench coat and keys to signal that, yes, he was ready, just apparently a mute.

He could hear Dean chuckle as he pulled his door to and followed him to Baby. Just as he was reaching for the door, Deans hand shot out and opened it for him" allow me" he almost purred. Castiel was sure that was a purr. So many things about this man should be outlawed. 

At some point you will have to talk you doof, he thought as he climbed in car. Wiping his hands on his slacks he watched as Dean slid in the car, gunned the engine, laughed and sped out onto the road.

"Thank you" Castiel finally choked out, looking over at Dean.  
"My pleasure" he said then winked at Castiel and turned the radio up.

Castiel watched him sing along with Kansas and wondered if he was crazy. Or maybe Dean was nuts. Isn't that the going thing? All the beautiful ones are bonkers.

"I hear the voices when I'm dreaming" Dean sang and urged Castiel to join him.

Oh hell, when in Rome he thought and belts out the chorus "Carry on my wayward son!"he sang and actually began to relax. At the stoplight he laughed as Dean played air guitar and even joined him towards the end. After the jam session they rode quietly for awhile. Castiel had no idea where they were going, but right now, in this moment, he didn't care. He was curious though,

"How did you get roped into picking me up?" He asked, another question itching to break free from his tongue. Dean laughed and said " I, uh, volunteered"

"Uh huh. How did you know where I lived? " he finally asked. None of his students had his address.

Dean made a weird face and was quite for a few minutes. Finally, scratching his head and giving him a shy smile he said "Benny got it for me" and that was it.

Well that was wildly unhelpful. He didn't really answer the question at all and Castiel had the feeling that he wouldn't go any farther into detail about it. After what seemed like an hour of silence except for the radio Dean pulled over onto a hidden dirt road and cut the car off. Castiels imagination was jumping up and down. Dean got out of the car and was opening his door for him again before Castiel could gather his thoughts.

"We have to walk from here" Dean said quietly.

"O...k..." Castiel replied, not hiding his confusion.

"Just come ON" Dean said and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together and began pulling him down the gravel road. The feel of Deans hand in his sent an electric shock down his spine and the butterflies grew to elephants in his stomach. Not sure what else to do he allowed Dean to guide him down the moonlit road. Surely he was going to release his hand any minute now. Castiel knew he wouldn't let go first, he was just a glutton for punishment over this boy. But Dean didn't let go. They simply walked in silence, hands intertwined. Castiel finally started to hear the party and they were almost to the clearing, only a few trees blocked their way. Dean suddenly stopped them and stood there for a second. Turning to face Castiel he held is eyes with his own as he used his free hand to lightly touch his face

"Cheer for me?" Dean asked, thumb lightly stroking Castiels jawline.

"Yes" Castiel whispered as Dean let go, dropped his hands, then turned and stepped into the clearing.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel stood, his legs growing roots into the ground beneath him. Frozen. He couldn't move. His brain was trying to work but nothing coherent was coming forth. Did that really happen? He lifted his hand to touch the place where Deans hand had been. His skin felt like it was going to dissolve and leave his insides in a puddle on the forest floor.

Ash burst threw the trees almost scaring him to death. 

"Castiel Novak! Man its hard to get you outta the house!" He bellowed as he pulled him into a half hug.

"Let's go watch our boy win!" He said, innocently enough but Castiel couldn't stop the thought of 'I wish he was my boy' So he stayed silent and followed Ash into the already packed clearing.

The guys were all there and all very glad to see Castiel. Benny even gave him a quick nod before going back to people watching, or whatever he was doing. Castiel wanted to ask him how he knew where he lived, but Benny still kinda scared him a bit. Truth be told, none of the other guys talked to him much either, but around Dean, Benny became more animated and more relaxed. Funny, he thought, Dean had the exact opposite effect on him. Castiel accepted the beer from Sammy and slowly began to function again. The fight wasn't for another twenty minutes so Castiel excused himself to hit the head so he could have time to get himself a ringside standing space to Deans fight. As he was reentering the clearing he noticed Benny nearby, just standing there. As he began making his way back he noticed that Benny was moving slowly and a little ways behind him. When he rejoined the group Benny hung back like he normally did and something started gnawing at the back of his mind. That wouldn't make any sense though. Why would Benny be following him? Pushing the question down he started making his way towards the fighting area and disconnected from the others to get closer. He hadn't seen Dean since they arrived. The fighters were kept separated off so that no one got drunk and stupid and decided to pick a fight with the main event. Just as before Dean had discarded everything from the waist up. Sweat shone on his bare skin and he was breathing heavy, like he'd been running but when his eyes found Castiel his breathing started to slow down.

Must be opposite day, Castiel thought as his own breath was coming faster. Dean was still staring at him, even with the cute brunette talking away beside him. Right as Castiel had decided to take a few steps back to catch his breath, Dean winked at him and kissed his knuckles. The same guys from the last fight was standing in the back of a pick-up truck shouting through a megaphone at the crowd. Castiel couldn't understand a word he was saying, hell, he couldn't hear anything over the sound of his heart beating in his ears.

Then BAM! the fight was on and Dean had come out like a rocket and had already landed a few good punches and knocked his opponent to his back. Castiel couldn't hear himself over the sound of the crowd but he was cheering his lungs out. The other guy didn't stand a chance. Once he was on his feet and moving Dean was on him landing hit after hit. Then just like that it was over. The unnamed opponent was out cold and Dean was being swept up by Sammy as Ash and Garth went into a reenactment of the fight with a little too much gusto. The ringleader, as Castiel was calling him, was handing Dean another fat wad of money when the sirens started. To call it a clusterfuck would suggest that there was an organized name for the chaos that erupted around him. Bodies were pushing and shoving. People were yelling to those they were with and trying to get outta there fast. Castiel panicked. He had no idea where Dean was or where they had entered the clearing after walking from the car. He turned to run and ran smack into Benny.

"Come on!" He barked and grabbed Castiel's arm and began pulling him towards the woods. Confusion and panic gripped Castiel harder than Bennys hand. The last thing he needed was to get caught with a bunch of underage kids drinking In the woods. Somehow he didn't think his bosses would understand even given his age. Before too long they were at Baby and Benny was still silent.

"Thanks" he told him quietly. Benny grunted in response. Castiel wanted Dean to hurry up, I mean, that's why they were waiting right? But his nerves got worse when every passing minute failed to produce Dean. Finally Bennys phone rang and he answered in short replies then hangs up and begins walking towards the main road.

"Wait! Was that Dean? What's going on? Where are you going?" Castiel was barking at the silent man in a loud whisper. Benny stopped and just looked at him.

"Well?" He prodded.

Benny continued to look at him and then turned and started walking again.

"I got you out. I did what Dean told me to do. I kept you safe." He said over his shoulder then was gone. Castiel was beyond frustrated and punched a nearby tree, which just proved to be a bad idea. Now he was frustrated and his hand was bleeding. He was grumbling under his breath when Dean stepped out from the shadows of the woods.


	8. Chapter 8

Castiel just stared at him. So many questions, yet none of them would come out of his mouth. As if all of his energy decided to leave his body and all at once Castiel dropped to the ground and sat. Dean closed the distance between them in just a few steps and placed a hand on Castiels face.

"Are you okay? Castiel? Why are you bleeding?"

Dean was cupping his face in his hand and holding Castiels injured one with his other hand.

"I'm fine. I punched a tree when your mute monkey left without telling me anything. Well, anything useful that is" Castiel told him, feeling very tired all of the sudden. Dean chuckled as he helped Castiel to his feet.

"He's a man of little words, Benny is" he said as he helped Castiel gently into the car. In no time they were out of the woods and flying down the road.

Mazzy Star was playing softly through the speakers as Dean parked Baby next to Castiel's car. Neither one had spoken on the ride home. Dean had wrapped Castiels hand with his tee shirt before they had left the woods and that had been the entirety of their contact. Dean shivered beneath his green hunting coat, not from the cold but because he was more nervous than he every remembered being in his life.

"Castiel..." Dean started right as Castiel turned to him and said in a flat voice "Are you fucking with me?"

Deans face fell and he felt his stomach jump up somewhere around his collarbone. Castiel was so to the point that it looked as if he'd already made up his mind on what Deans answer would be. This was not how things were supposed to go! Dean placed a hand on Castiels face and just held his gaze. Those brilliant blue eyes drilling a hole through him and Dean had the feeling his entire world was hanging on this moment. On how he answered this question.

Don't fuck it up boy.

"Castiel.." Dean said in a soft voice letting his fingertips press gently into his jaw and slowly guided him closer. Never once taking his eyes off those blue moons before him

"Castiel..no...I..." he whispered, their faces so close that he was breathing in the air Castiel exhaled. Almost like they were one, sharing the same breathing space.

"Dean" Castiel breathed, forgetting for a moment that he was supposed to be mad at this beautiful man, then their lips found one another. For all his fight, Dean was gentle with Castiel. As if he were touching the most fragile thing on Earth. Castiel melted into his embraced and their lips flirted and danced perfectly together and for this one moment nothing in the world existed but the two of them. Dean buried his hands in Castiels hair as he gripped Deans shoulders and held him tight against him

Fade into you....Mazzy sung into the night.


	9. Chapter 9

A moment frozen in time. That first beautiful, confusing kiss with Castiel Novak. Dean had been dreaming of this moment since they had met and now that he was here, he didn't want to let go. Letting his lips linger he sighed and pulled away. Still cupping Castiels face in his hands he was memorizing every inch of his face. This beautiful creature who had reduced Dean Winchester to a stuttering idiot.

" I don't know what made you think that but I promise you I am not fucking with you. I want...I mean, you make me...I don't fucking know, you are an itch I can't scratch" he said, and the moment the words left his lips he regretted them. He had made it sound less than what it really was. Silently cussing himself, Castiel didn't understand that he caused all of Deans game to go right out the window.

" I didn't mean that the way it came out. I get all tongue tied around you" he rambled. Castiel just sat there, watching him.

" Damn I wanted this to go so differently. I was gonna be smooth and irresistible." he confessed

" Dean" Castiel said taking his hands between his own, " Dean, would you like to come inside?" He asked. Dean let loose a nervous laugh and nodded.

Walking quickly to Castiel's apartment, he took Dean's hand in his own and Dean felt his heart swell and split. Just the touch of his hand sent his world into a spin. Once inside Castiel headed straight to the bedroom and came out holding a faded purple tee shirt in his hands.

"Here, you need to be dressed or everything might go to hell and I need to get this hand fixed up" Castiel said. Dean took the old LSU shirt and pulled it over his head " You have a first aid kit?" he asked. Castiel produced one from under and counter and Dean proceeded to clean and bandage his hand.

Castiel sat on the couch and Dean took a spot in an old armchair

" I am so confused" Castiel began. Dean held up a hand, cutting him off,

" I'm sorry, I've gone about this the wrong way. I had a plan, but obviously that's gone to shit now" he stood up and paced the room, finally stopping to idly play with a giant multicolored slinky. " I've been wanting to see you again since that night in Denver but I was scared you didn't want to see me" he confessed.

" Since Denver?" Castiel asked

Dean nodded " I was gonna talk to you after the fight but when I looked back you were gone. Ash told me that you fed him some lame excuse about being tired and took off. I ran after you calling your name but you just drove away. " He said.

Castiel didn't even try to hide the look of astonishment on his face. He had thought he heard something and he remembered seeing someone in the road in his rear view mirror.

" When you left, I went back and talked with Ash. The way you bolted after the fight I figured I must have done something to scare you away. So I dropped your class hoping that it would get you outta my head, but that didn't work either" Dean said.

" Wait, just wait a second Dean. I didn't leave that night because I didn't like you, I left because I did like you and I thought, well I thought you were straight" Castiel said, "When you dropped my class I figured it was for the best because I knew that I wouldn't be able to hide my attraction to you on a daily basis" He continued.

" You thought I was straight? Why?" Dean asked, a look of complete confusion on his face.

"Well" Castiel started, this was gonna be embarrassing but he owed him the truth, as paranoid and insecure and it was going to make him look

" I saw you with that little brunette and I saw the way she was looking at you and you were leaning into her and I just assumed..." he let his sentence just trail off into nothing,  
" I am an assuming asshole" Castiel said.

" Lisa" Dean said

Castiel looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time since they had started talking.

" Her name is Lisa and I have known her since we were kids. She's not the brightest bulb on the tree, but I promise you there is nothing between us." He said and crossed the room and knelt in front of Castiel. 

" Whacha say we start over? " Dean asked.Castiel considered this and then laced his fingers through Deans

" No, I like this. This beginning is perfect" He said

" Perfect beginning for what Castiel?" Dean asked, moving his face closer to his

" The story of us" Castiel said as he closed the small space between him and let their lips crash together. It didn't feel like kissing, it felt like coming home.


	10. Chapter 10

" I need to go" Dean whispered into Castiels chest. They were laying on the floor where they had been talking for hours. Not a hot make out session, although there were plenty of kisses, but there was more secrets shared and the lazy feel of fingertips running over the skin. They had talked about everything under the sun and more. Dean was a senior and although he was going to be graduating with a degree in business his passion was fighting and he dreamed of being a professional boxer one day. He was fiercely protective of his little brother Sammy, sunset was his favorite time of day, and his favorite escape was driving Baby down back roads while listening to music.

Castiel told him about his brothers constant fighting and joked that he wouldn't recognize his father if he was walking down the street. He gushed over his love of Ancient Religions and how awkward he felt being the youngest everywhere he went. Their touches were light and their kisses tender. They had been laying on an old blanket on the floor listening to Castiels iPod on shuffle. Poison and Wine by the Civil Wars was playing and Castiel was stroking Deans hair as he laid on his chest.

" I don't want to but I need to." he said, sitting up and reaching for his boots. Castiel sat up and watched as he laced up his shoes and then stood up and grabbed his jacket. He stood up and walked over to Dean, wrapping his arms around his neck as Deans arms circled his waist and pulled him closer.

" When can I see you again?" Dean asked him.

" ummm, I don't know. I have the entire weekend off." he told him. Dean seemed to think for a minute and said," I will pick you up at 6 tonight and I am gonna take you out" Dean lit a quick kiss on his forehead and was out the door.

Castiel walked back to his bedroom and crawled under the covers, replaying the night in his head, he feel asleep with a smile on his face. 

At 6 on the nose there was a knock at the door, taking a deep breath Castiel pulled the door open and instantly broke out into a smile. Dressed in his normal work boots, faded jeans, tee shirt and jacket, Dean seemed to always look like he had just steeped out of a magazine. Castiel could simply look at him forever.

" You ready?" Dean asked him. Castiel held up his trench coat and followed him down to Baby. Again he beat Castiel there and held the door open for him.

" Thank you" he said, sliding in the car.

" Sammy's girlfriend Jess is in town so they are having a get together" Dean told him as they pulled onto the road a little faster than was necessary. A party, Castiel thought, was NOT what he had pictured for this evening, but he would go along. He adored Sammy and had heard quite a bit from him already about Jess.

It was a surprisingly short ride from his places to Sammy's. Dean held the front door open for him when they arrived and said " Mi Casa Su Casa"

" You live here?" Castiel asked

" Yeah Sammy and I are roomies" Dean told him as they stepped into the open living room. The apartment seemed to have as few walls was necessary. The living room and kitchen were open in one large space and mix matched furniture was peppered through the area. Ash and Garth were in a set of gaming chairs, jibbing one another as they played Mario Kart laughing and calling each other names. Benny was standing by the window drinking a beer and being his normal antisocial self. Sammy and Jess were wrapped together on the couch, oblivious to anyone else in the room.

A sharp knock at the door and Dean opened it quickly.

" Meg?" Castiel said in confusion. " Castiel? What are you doing here?" the extremely short girl asked, pushing past Dean to throw her arms around Castiel. They had been friends since grade school, before he came out a group of kids were picking on him and Meg came to his rescue and they had been close ever since.


	11. Chapter 11

Meg, Dean and Castiel stood awkwardly at the front door as she looked from one boy to the other, " Well Cassie?" she inquired

" Ummmm, I am here for the party" he said, casting a quick glance at Dean and then back to his oldest friend. "You two are friends?" she asked shaking her finger between them "that's...interesting" she finished. Dean let out a full bodied laugh and just shook his head.

" Why is that funny to you? Cassie and I have been friends for years and you aren't known for being a nice guy ya know. Why don't you run along and talk to your man servant let the grown ups talk" she snapped at Dean and it was obvious there was no love lost between these two. She turned back to Castiel and you could see her drag her eyes from one man to another and you could almost hear an audible click when realization reached her eyes.

" Him? This is the guy you have been talking about for a month now? Dean Winchester? Oh Cassie" she said looking directly at her friend. " Awww, I love you too princess" Dean snarled before excusing himself to go and join Benny in a beer. leaving Castiel alone with the very wired up Meg.

" Castiel how the hell did you end up here with him? Last I heard you hadn't seen him since Denver, and boy oh boy I wish I had known it was him and I would've told you to run" She railed at her friend. Castiel gave her the short version of the last 24 hours and the even shorter version of their misunderstanding.

" What's the big deal Meggie? He is amazing! What have you got against him?" He asked. " Oh, nothing really except for he is a world class asshole and quite the Casanova. His favorite game seems to be love em and leave em. I just never expected to see you with him. Please be careful." she told him as Jess squealed and motioned for her to come over. Apparently Jess and Meg had been friends since birth, what with their parents being friends.

Dean looked to be in a serious conversation with Benny so Castiel took up a spot in the living room near Sammy and began talking while Jess and Meg were laughing over something that happened years ago. More and more people were showing up and before he knew it the party was in full swing. Someone had set up a game of beer pong and people were cheering Ash and Garth on as their race kept heating up and the smack talk got thick. Castiel had relaxed and was actually enjoying himself. Every now and then he would look around the room and spy Dean telling jokes or having an arm wrestling match in the kitchen. Someone pulled out Cards Against Humanity and hilarity ensued. Castiel couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so much. It was bugging him that Dean hadn't said one word to him since they showed up, or even attempted to come and speak with him, but he wasn't going to follow him around like a puppy dog. After awhile the party started winding down and the guests were leaving in twos and threes. Garth was passed out in a bean bag chair in the corner with what seemed to be cornflakes super glued to his arms. Ash had fallen asleep on the couch and was snoring loudly and every so often Castiel was sure he was barking in his sleep. Dean and Benny were hunched over the dining table, staring so intently at a chess board that it was sure to catch fire any minute. Sammy and Jess had gone to bed earlier and so Meg and Castiel settled in to play Mario Kart. Normally he was pretty good at this game, but tonight was not one of those nights.

"You okay Cassie?" Meg asked him after watching him drive off rainbow road again. Swearing under his breath he set his controller down and leaned into his friend, " He hasn't said one word to me all night." he told her quietly. "Oh Cassie" she replied. 

" I just don't understand him. He blows hot, he blows cold, I am getting whiplash here. It's like he's two people. I mean HE wanted to see ME tonight. I didn't ask him out" he told his oldest friend. " Am I a game? I mean Meg, last night, he was totally different. Tender, attentive, sweet. I am just confused" he finished.

"I know hun, Dean Winchester is a grade A asshole, I don't know what you see in him" She told him " I told you he didn't have the greatest reputation in the dating department. I have never seen him with the same person twice, I don't think anyone has. He's more of a one hit wonder if you know what I mean" she continued, taking his hand in hers and holding it like when they were kids. " Let me give you a ride home, or better yet let's have a slumber party at my place. We'll get in our pj's and eat too much ice cream and binge watch that one show on Netflix. You know the one, about the brothers who hunt monsters, I know it's your favorite" she said smiling at him. This was why he loved her. She was the biggest bitch he had ever met to everyone but him. She called him her unicorn and treated him like one too. He smiled at her, loving her so much in this moment. She was only trying to help. He was seriously considering it when Dean walked over and held his hand out to Castiel, not even acknowledging Meg.

"Dance with me" he asked in that smooth voice that reminded Castiel of raw honey.


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel just stared at his extended hand not speaking. Meg snorted and pushed herself up. "Cassie be careful with this one" Meg said to her friend, then turning to Dean she leaned in closer and said " If you hurt my friend I will kill you with my bare hands and enjoy it"

Never pulling his hand back, he looked down at the angry girl in front of him, " If I do that I'll let you give it your best shot" he said in a flat voice. "I bet you would cowboy" she said before turning and planting a kiss on Castiel's cheek. " Call me tomorrow babe" and then she was gone.

Dean had turned and was looking down at Castiel, his hand still outstretched. Waiting. "Why?" Castiel asked trying to hold on to the frustration that was fueling him only moments before, but those green eyes were banging away at him. Dean smiled at him and said

" I'll tell you, if you dance with me"

Castiel gave in and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

"There's no music" He said as Dean circled his waist and pulled him closer. " Would you like me to sing for you?" Dean asked him as he begin to sway to a tune only he could hear. They moved to the silence and Dean tightened his hold on him.

" Because I've wanted to touch you all night. It's been driving me crazy" Dean said softly into his hair. Tilting his head to look up at him, Castiel said, " I've been here all night. You've had plenty of time and opportunity to come over to me. You seemed to keep yourself busy all night on the opposite side of the room, pretending I wasn't here."

Pulling back from his grip he stopped moving and let his hands fall to his side.

" I mean seriously, you have my head spinning. Last nights Dean is very different that tonight's Dean. Either you like me or you don't, but when you said you wanted to go out tonight, I didn't realize that I wouldn't spend one minute with you. I could have stayed home and had the same result." Castiel gushed, he had been wanting to say that for hours.

Despite Castiel's arms hanging loosely by his sides, Dean tightened his arms and pulled him closer.

" Hey! Hey, I'm sorry. I know that I've ignored you and I'm so sorry. Believe me when I tell you that I didn't want to. I didn't plan on being here all night but you seemed to be having such a good time. I didn't want to stop that. I didn't want to stop your smile." Dean said, He lifted one hand under Castiel's jaw and lifted his face to his. " Doing what I do, people like to look for weaknesses, things they can use to hurt me. Not everyone I fight is a good loser, and I don't like showing my hand to everyone." he told him.

" Why would anyone want to use me to get at you? We still barely know each other and given your reputation as a heart breaker it stands to reason that you have dated publicly." Castiel said defiantly, not ready to let go of the quiet anger and hurt feelings.

Dean refused to let go of him. Looking into his eyes, as if he was searching for something he said, " Because I haven't seen anything all night except you. Every laugh, every smile, every step you took in this apartment. I watched you relax and have a good time and you were the brightest light in the room" He kissed the top of Castiel's forehead, letting his lips linger in his brown hair.

" I couldn't get near you without wanting to touch you, kiss you, hold you. That's not exactly something I could hide. I mean, I am good but not that good. You are like a blind spot. When I am near you I can't see anything else and if someone saw that, well then they would know the best way to get to me would be through you. Castiel I am crazy about you. I have never felt this way in my life. Anyone in my past never came close to making me feel like I do when I am around you. Your like the sun breaking through the darkness, only I never knew it was dark before because I've never seen a light like yours. I don't know what I would do if you were ever hurt because of me" He said into his hair.

Castiel didn't know what to say, then he felt it, the shifting of the world and he imagined that this is what it felt like to fall from heaven. This may prove to be the worst thing he had ever done, but he was too far in to back out now.

" Dean, I don.." he began but was quickly interrupted.

" Stay with me" Dean whispered, his eyes pleading with Castiel to say yes.

" I don't know what this is, but I do know I want you to stay. Just for awhile. Please" he finished. Giving up completely Castiel wound his arms around Deans neck and pulled him closer " okay" he breathed.

Their lips connected gently, soft and sweet. Dean gripped Castiel to him as he buried his hands in Castiel's hair. A low groan escaped Deans lips as Castiel pulled him as close as he could and ran his hands up and down his back. Dean squeezed once and had him off the ground and was walking them towards his bedroom, never letting his lips leave their home. Once inside he navigated the dark til he turned and sat on his mattress, pulling Castiel into his lap. His hands moved until they found them hem of his shirt and Dean ran his bare hands up Castiels back. The feel of their skin together seemed to emit sparks and Castiel tensed and broke free from the endless kiss

" Dean we can't, I mean, I don't think..." he stuttered. Dean shushed him, drawing circles on his back with his fingertips.

" I want you to stay. Just sleep with me, no sex, just sleep. Let me show you just how fascinating kissing is" then their lips collided and somewhere Castiel was sure a star was imploding from the heat they emitted. He let himself fall into the kiss and Dean moved and pulled them back til they were laying on the bed, arms and legs tangled together, their lips sharing space with dancing tongues and needy breath.

Castiel could feel the tension building and noticed when Dean started slowing their kiss. The urgency left his mouth and was replaced with a smoldering heat. Breaking free to run his hand over Deans cheek, his eyes had adjusted to the dark, but the shadows where casting strange shapes across his face.

"Stay with me" Dean pleaded once more. Moving to lay his head on Deans chest, he laced their fingers together and said "I'm not going anywhere. It's not even a choice" As Deans free arm pulled him closer and started playing with his hair. He didn't want to go to sleep but he could feel his eyelids growing heavy. This was proving to be better than any dream he could have and even though this would probably break him down, he felt his heart surrender before he fell asleep. His beautiful disaster stroking his hair until he whispered, almost to softly to hear " Can I keep you?"

Castiel smiled, but he was too far gone and his answer was lost on his lips as sleep over took him.


	13. Chapter 13

Falling in love with Castiel Novak was like sinking into a hot bath. The heat shocked him at first, but soon washed over him so completely that he wondered how he had managed without him all this time. School and work broke up the moments between them but every second Dean spent with Castiel was burnt into his memory.

While at fights and parties they were careful not to draw to much attention to themselves, when they were with the guys they could relax and be themselves. They fell into an easy routine, the weekends they traded back and forth between their apartments. During the week they would talk on the phone and see each other when their jobs allowed it. Dean worked part time as a mechanic. Thanksgiving came and went and they spent a wonderful day surrounded by friends and no one to hide from.

The first snowfall brought with it the first " I love you" from Dean while he watched Castiel making a snow angel. As Christmas break rolled in Dean asked Castiel to move in with him. Not in his apartment, but a new one. Jess had been thinking of transferring to be closer to Sammy and they wanted to get married, and Dean and Castiel could afford a place with their combined incomes. Castiel agreed without a second thought. They started looking right away and found a great little place close to the college and put the money down to move in January 1st. Life was beautiful. 

Dean had a fight coming up right before Christmas against a guy he had already beat three times. He was looking forward to it, Crowley was easy money and Dean hadn't had a fight in a few weeks. Sure enough come fight night, Dean cleaned the floor with him. It was bad enough that he was beating him again, but Dean dragged the fight out, just to mess with Crowley.Not only did he beat him, he humiliated him. They celebrated at the soon to be old apartment and so many people showed up they might as well had just stayed at the party. Flying high from his win, Dean was not going to let anything keep him from kissing Castiel whenever he wanted to. Nothing could touch him right now. 

Christmas eve came and Castiel was finishing up his delivery shift fixing to head to Deans. They had all decided to stay here for the holidays and Castiel was looking forward to a Christmas with no fighting and gifts pick out by his dad's secretary. Sitting at the red light, impatiently tapping the steering wheel he was thinking of the jacket he was giving Dean for Christmas and was really wanting him to like it. The brown leather just screamed Dean to him. 

When the glass shattered he covered his face with his hands and lost every single thought in his head. Hands were reaching through the busted driver side window and pulling on him, hard. Gripping the door handle, Castiel swung out his arm, knocking his attacker off balance as he moved to run but ended up slamming into another body.

" Hel..." He tried to scream but was cut off by the punch to his ribs. The air left his body in a Whoosh sound and he didn't register the fist flying at him unit was too late and the world went black.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean sat with his head in his hands, he could hear Sammy talking to the officer but he couldn't understand anything that he was saying. Castiel should have been here after his shift and when he didn't show up Dean had started calling him to no avail. Sometime around one am the cops had showed up to inform him that Castiel's car had been found sitting abandoned at a red light not far from here. His window had been broken out and his phone, wallet, everything had been found in the car. They had also found blood but they didn't know if it belonged to Castiel or not. Fear gripped him so tight that he couldn't speak. Sammy had taken over the talking part and Jess sat on the couch with Dean patting his leg and murmuring that everything would be okay. He didn't feel like it was going to be okay. In fact he felt as far from okay as he had ever felt in his life.

"Dean?" Sammy was talking to him and there was no telling how long he had been trying to break through to him. " Dean! Come back man, do you know how to get in touch with Castiel's famil?" Dean shook his head, Castiel never talked to them, he didn't see what good it was to talk to them, they couldn't tell you the first thing about Castiel. Then it hit him, they didn't want to know about Castiel, they wanted to prepare his family for the possibility of him not coming home. Just the thought of him never being able to look into those blue eyes and feel his skin beneath his own hit him like a truck and Dean shot off the couch and towards the door.

" Whoa, wait up man" Sammy said and followed him towards the door where Ash and Garth had stepped in to block their path.

" Son calm down, the police are doing everything they can" The officer told him. Dean looked at him as if he was speaking in tongues and turned back to his brother.

" Sammy make them move. I am not playing, Castiel is out there and he is waiting for me to come and get him" He barked at his younger brother. He had to move, couldn't Sammy see that, he couldn't sit here doing nothing while the police acted like this wasn't the end of the world. Sammy nodded towards the guys blocking the door and they stepped to the side so he could pass. Dean was out the door and in Baby in a flash. He just couldn't do nothing. Dean spent the night going from seedy bar to a couple of fights around the area, no one he talked to had seen Castiel. As the sun began making an appearance over the horizon, Dean had parked Baby and was sitting on a bench just staring at where they had found his car. It was gone of course, but you could still see the broken glass and traces of blood strewn about in the road.

" Where are you Cas?" Dean spoke into the empty air. His phone rang and in trying to get to it he managed to drop it, " Shit, hello! Hello! Castiel?" Dean gushed into the phone, but it wasn't Castiel, it was Benny.

" Tell me something good man, I need something good right now" He said to his quiet friend. Unfortunately all Benny could tell him was more of the same he'd been getting, Nothing. It's as if he just vanished into thin air. Dean returned to driving around but really he couldn't think of anywhere else to go so he went home. Sammy had no news to give him and unless he was telling him Castiel was safe, then he had nothing to say to anyone. Nothing happened to rest of the day, or the day after, by the third day Sammy was scared he was going to have to have Dean locked up somewhere. He wasn't sleeping, he hadn't shaved or eaten since they had got the news and all that combined with the stress of not knowing had set Dean on an edge so thin that the only person who could handle being around him was Benny. He and Dean were getting ready to walk out the door and make the same rounds they had been making for days when the apartment door shook with a thundering knocking.

" Dean! Dean!" he could hear the high voice calling to him, crossing over to rip the door open, Dean saw Meg standing breathless in front of him, her eyes red and swollen and a familiar fearful look in her wild eyes.

" Meg" he said grabbing her and walking her inside to sit on the couch. He directed Sammy to bring her something to drink and when he saw the soda in his little brothers hand he growled " Something stronger brother" and turned his full attention back to the shaken Meg.

" Meg talk to me" He cooed at her. Sure they couldn't stand each other but they both loved Castiel with everything they had. The icy hand gripping Deans heart squeezed. If she was like this then nothing good was coming out of her mouth. Meg downed the glass of bourbon Sammy had offered her and upon draining it looked right at Dean " They found him. Dean they found him." was all she said and he felt his world stop moving entirely. If they had found him that was a good thing. He was safe and Dean could go to him...but if he was safe then Meg wouldn't be in this kinda shape. He took her hands in his own " Meg, tell me. Where is he?" he said, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice.

" He's at the hospital but they wont let anyone in to see him yet. His brothers are there and his dads on his way, oh but Dean" she broke off, tears overcoming her once more. " Dean he wont wake up" she cried into his arms, letting him catch her as she finally seemed to give up trying to hold it in. " They have him and the officer said that they could hardly tell who he was, he was beaten so badly. He wont wake up. That's all that I was able to find out. Oh God Dean he has to be okay" She cried. Dean held her and let her cry into him, never noticing that his own eyes had begun to leak until he felt Sammy's hand on his shoulder.

" Come on Dean, I'll drive you both to the hospital" Sammy said quietly. Dean nodded, gathering the crying Meg up in his arms and walking her to the car, never letting go of each other as Sammy drove them towards the unknown.


	15. Chapter 15

Castiel had been found on a trail by joggers. Bloody, beaten and non-responsive. The police were no closer to figuring out what had happened than they were at the start. Castiel's brothers Michael and Gabriel were there, grilling nurses and barking orders at the police. Castiel may have thought that his brothers didn't care about him, but as Dean watched them he could see all the love there. Dean hung back and just listened to everyone around him. Meg hadn't let go of his hand since they had gotten there. At this point he was unsure which of them was holding the other together. Dean listened as he heard them talking about Castiel, broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, broken jaw. They had him in surgery once they got him stable enough from the exposure to remove his spleen. Even his skull was cracked. Dean felt his stomach flip and then he was retching into a nearby trash can. Meg had followed him and was guarding him from any questions. " Meg who is with you? Can't you get him to be quiet or take him somewhere else? " Michael asked her. " This is Dean you jackass" was all she said. Dean had recovered and was turning to see both of Castiel's brothers looking at him. Meg was still planted between then when Gabriel walked over and leaned close to Dean

" They let me go back, do you want to see him?" Gabriel asked him in a hushed voice. " You too Meg" he added.

Dean just nodded at him and he and Meg followed Gabriel down the hallway. Castiel was in room 2308 and had two armed police officers standing outside his door. They nodded at Gabriel and let the three of them pass into the dark room.

There was a small lamp on in the corner of the room casting a faint light on the bed and the small, bandaged body laying in it. There were so many wires coming out of him. His face was swollen and bruised. Dean could see where they had put stitches in around his lips and eyebrows. Walking slowly over to Castiel's still body, he lightly gripped his hand.

" Why won't he wake up? What have the doctors said?" Dean asked.

Meg had moved to the opposite side of Castiel and was lightly touching his face, her own wet with tears.

" We know that he's stable and all his tests are coming back normal. He simply sleeps. They tell us to give him 48 hours and then we will talk other possible reasons. Right now, maybe he just needs some time." Gabriel told him, standing at the foot of his brothers bed.

" The police will have someone here at all times until he wakes up so that he can tell them who is responsible for this, I swear when we find out who did this..." Gabriel trailed off

" I'll kill the son of a bitch" Dean finished for him, unable to take his eyes off his sleeping boy.

Clearing his throat, Gabriel said " I hate to do this, but no one is supposed to be allowed in but family right now and while I have no problem with it, I know my dad and he will not feel the same way. I promise you I will get in touch if anything changes" He promised.

Meg had walked over to Gabriel and pulled him towards to door, trying to give Dean a moment alone with Castiel. Bending down to brush his lips against his swollen, hot skin, a single tear rolled down Deans cheek as he whispered

" Cas, if you can hear me, I love you more than my own life, please come back to me." With a final kiss, Dean all but ran out of the room, nodding to Gabriel in passing he kept a quick pace to the elevators. He couldn't breath. He had to get out of here.

Meg caught up with him and made their way to the car in silence. There was nothing to say. Sammy had left Baby in the parking lot for him and once inside, Dean felt the ground give way, the love of his life was in there, unrecognizable and hooked up to more machines than Dean had ever seen in his life and there was absolutely nothing that he could do about anything. He couldn't even stay with him and hold his hand. No longer trying to hold anything back, Dean broke down, sobbing so hard he didn't feel Meg push him to the side so she could drive. By the time they reached his apartment he was all cried out. No one said anything as he walked in and went straight to his room. He could hear Meg explaining what they knew so far to everyone.

Dean was laying in the dark, staring but not seeing. The only thing that he could produce in his mind was Castiel's beautiful face. Then his mind corrected the image and all he could see were bandages and monitors. At some point Meg came in and told him she would come back tomorrow. After waiting for any kind of response she gave up and left. Dean was aware of people coming in to try and get him to do something, anything, but he never moved. Sometime in the night he fell asleep only to wake up calling for Castiel and tangled in blankets. Unable to fall back asleep Dean quietly left the apartment and headed to the hospital. He had to be close to him, no matter whether he could see him or not.


	16. Chapter 16

The waiting room was empty and there were only two nurses at the desk when Dean inquired about Castiel. The nurse was sympathetic but un-moving when she told him she could only release information to the family. Not wanting to press it, Dean returned to the waiting room and took a seat. Pulling out his phone, he lost himself in pictures of Castiel. Taking his time on each one, memorizing every line and freckle. So lost in this, he didn't notice the sun come up or the activity growing around him.

"Hey" he heard, the voice breaking his concentration. Dean looked up to see Gabriel standing over him.

" How long have you been here?" Gabriel asked him, taking the seat next to Dean.

"Uh, I don't know" He said, looking at his phone, " six hours" He finished. Gabriel just nodded. They sat quietly for a few moments, watching the nurses station fully come to life.

" There's no change" Gabriel told him.

Dean just sat there staring at the floor, " I don't have anywhere else to go" was all he said.

Gabriel stood up and started walking towards the patient hall, " Come on" he called over his shoulder. Dean didn't need to be told twice, following him down the hall. Stopping outside Castiel's room, Gabriel spoke to the officers and then turned to Dean

" Michael and Dad wont be in til this afternoon. I'll let the staff know that you are here, but make sure you are gone by noon. " He told him and then was off back the way they had come. Dean entered to small room, still dark with only the lamp for light, he pulled a chair up to the bed and took one of Castiel's hands in between his own. Bringing his head down to kiss his fingertips he spoke to the sleeping boy,

" Where are you Castiel?"

His only answer the faint humming of the many machines doing their jobs. There he sat for hours. Dean was not a praying man and not even sure if that's what he was doing. All he could do was send out a plea to heaven or the cosmos or whatever.

Please let him wake up. Please don't let him die.

Please bring him back to me.

Over and over. This mantra was the only thing he could hear. All too soon his time was up and he was kissing Castiel's forehead when he offered up one final plea, whispering to the sleeping boy

" Don't go where I can't follow you. Come back to me baby"

A nurse stopped him on his way out and told him that he had been added to Castiel's list and that he could visit but only during certain times. Thanking her he left and meant to drive home, but found himself at Castiel's apartment. Letting himself in, he was slammed in the face with Castiel. Just breathing in the smell of him. Dean walked over and placed his phone in the dock and started his playlist simply called Cas. Digging the faded LSU shirt out of the closet Dean puled it over his head and crawled into bed, pulling the covers up and inhaling Castiel's sweet scent. Holding onto his pillow Dean feel asleep surrounded by him.


	17. Chapter 17

The next week passed by in a blur. It had been Thursday when they had found him and by the following Wednesday there had been no change. At night Dean slept at the hospital, head on Castiels bed. The nurses had offered to bring him in a cot but he had declined. He would rather be uncomfortable and touching him. During the day he stayed at Castiel's apartment, letting his presence embrace him. He blew off school and work. He could always go back to school and jobs were there if you looked, but never would he ever find another Castiel. Every moment was filled with the blue eyed boy. On Wednesday when the nurses told him that he couldn't stay because they would be running test all night, Dean stayed at his own apartment. He got so rip roaring drunk that Benny and Ash had to help him to bed, as Dean rambled on and on about blue eyes and what it sounded like to pull heaven down. Friday night he headed to the hospital, basically moving on auto pilot, to spend another night willing Castiel to wake up. He was in the waiting room talking to Meg when Gabriel rushed in,

" He's awake!" he told them, stopping to catch his breath.

" They made me leave the room so they could examine him and I called my dad and Michael and they are on their way here now." Gabriels face revealed all the worry he'd been feeling as it crumpled and was replaced by relief.

Deans mind was chanting " He's awake" and his heart was racing. It was taking every ounce of will power he had not to run to Castiel right now. Meg was doing something between laughing and crying when the doctor walked into the room. As if they had been electrocuted, Dean and Gabriel shot out of their chairs.

" Mr. Novak, Mr. Winchester." The older man started " Castiel is awake but he's having some problems remembering things. This could be caused by any number of things. He has gone through a tremendous ordeal and his body is trying to repair itself inside and out. To be honest I am not that surprised. It's not something I am going to worry about to much unless it persists. If you would like you can go back and see him now, but please remember to be patient with him" The doctor told them.

Thanking him the three of them made their way to Castiel's room. Dean felt like his heart was fixing to explode right out of his chest. All he could think about was that on the other side of this door was the love of his life and he was going to be okay. Castiel was sitting up in bed but the lighting was still the solitary lamp in the corner.

"Gabriel, Meg" Castiel said in a low rough voice. He sounded so small.

" My unicorn" Meg cried moving in and putting her arms around his neck. He was patting her back as she cried, shushing her quietly but allowing her to cry.

" Castiel" was all Gabriel said, but he moved to sit beside his brother, who was comforting the crying girl. The looked at each other for a long time, and then Gabriel spoke " I am so glad you are awake little brother. Don't ever do that again please"

In the low light, Dean could see Castiel smile and he knew exactly how much that had meant to him. Finally turning to look at him, Dean was speechless. There was so much he wanted to say and he had no idea where to start.

" Hey Cas" Was what his brain chose to lead with, he cringed inside.

Castiel was looking at him in a peculiar way, head tilted just eyeing him. Finally he spoke and when he did Deans world shattered.

" Who are you?"


	18. Chapter 18

Nobody said anything at first. Everyone just looked at Castiel, even Meg lifted her head up to stare. Castiel was looking from one face to the next waiting for an answer. When none came he finally said,

" What?"

Dean opened his mouth but nothing came out. After opening and closing it a few times with the same result, Gabriel cleared his throat, "Castiel that's Dean" he said. Castiel took in this information and then turned back to Dean. 

"Nice to meet you" Was all he said. Deans world was off balance before when Castiel had been sleeping but now it lunged to the side completely and Dean felt like he was falling.

" Castiel you remember Dean...your boyfriend" Meg prompted but exchanged worried looks with Gabriel.Castiel sat for a moment and then shook his head a look of confusion and panic in his eyes.

"I don't, I mean, I can't" Castiel stuttered, panic hinting in his voice. Meg took his hand and got him to look at her,

" Whats the last thing you remember Cassie?" she asked. Castiel closed his eyes and his breathing started to slow, after a moment he said, " Packing. I remember packing my apartment"

Gabriel and Meg both looked at Dean with a smile. This was a good thing, he remembered them working on Castiel's apartment, Dean hadn't actually moved into their new place yet. He just couldn't bring himself to go there without Cas.

"What else?" Meg prompted

" I remember.." He started " I remember the college. I remember you walking me around the college to show me around. Then packing. I am going to Colorado to teach at your school Meg" He finished, looking from face to face almost like he was checking to see if he got it right. Deans falling feeling went into overdrive and he felt his heart leave his chest.

"Cassie" Meg said " That was months ago. It's January. What you are telling me happened last April."

Castiel's face was hard to read but the confusion was there in his eyes. He looked from Meg to Gabriel and then to Dean where he faltered, not really being able to meet his eyes and then back to Gabriel.

"She's right Castiel. You've been in Colorado almost a year" he said softly.

Castiel was panicking, Dean turned and left the room as Meg began trying to calm Castiel down. Gabriel caught up with him in the waiting room about half an hour later.

" I just talked to the nurse and they are giving him something to calm him down. She said its really not that rare for someone to have temporary memory loss after what he's been through. We just have to give him some time" Gabriel said to him.

Dean knew that what he was saying made sense in some kind of way but he just couldn't wrap his mind around anything other than the fact that Castiel had no idea who he was. All the times they had spent together, every laugh, every fight, every kiss. Gone. He couldn't be here anymore. Standing up and shaking Gabriels hand, he asked him to call an keep him posted about Castiel, then turned and left. Driving around, Dean couldn't think of one place to go. Everything was gone for Castiel and yet for Dean he saw his blue eyed boy everywhere he looked. Part of his mind was being rational and telling him that everything was going to be okay and to just be patient, and the other side was in a wild panic not making any sense. He finally drove to his apartment with Sammy and quietly made his way to his room. He couldn't talk to anyone yet. Not when there were more questions than answers.

For the next few days, Dean received updates from Meg and Gabriel on Castiels progress. Physically, he was fine, aside from his injuries he was doing well and healing fine. He was doing so well that they doctors were thinking of letting him go in a few days. Mentally, Castiel had still not regained his memory. He was doing better in that area, Meg was a huge help considering how close they were. She told him about his job and how he had confided in her that he was so happy with the way it was going. This thrilled him because in his mind now he was still nervous. She also told him about Dean. How they had been together almost since the beginning of the school year and how she had never seen him happier, but he couldn't remember. It aggravated him to no ends that there was this huge hole in his mind. The police had been equally irritated to find out he couldn't tell them anything. The doctors had run all kinds of tests and then had the shrinks come in. His official diagnosis was Dissociative Amnesia meaning he had lost a huge chunk of his memory because of what had happened to him and more than likely they could get it back with time and therapy but until then he just needed to move forward and try to get back to his life. That was where Castiel would run into a problem, he couldn't remember what his life was, for him, it was all still to come. Meg said she would come and stay with him for awhile to help him while he finished healing. Gabriel had left this morning with the promise to check in with him in a few days, which surprised him. Michael and his dad had left yesterday with handshakes and unoriginal platitudes, which was not a surprise. Dean hadn't been back to see him and Castiel was secretly glad. He had no idea what to say to this man. He tried to act happy but mostly he was just overwhelmed with it all. When he was finally released, Meg picked him up and drove him back to his apartment. She had a backseat full of her own stuff to go with them. After helping him inside she waited while he looked around. There were boxes scattered around but most of his apartment had yet to be packed up, which would make it easier to unpack he thought to himself. Making his way slowly to the kitchen, he saw photos of him and Dean all over. One caught his eye, it was a selfie with a beautiful view of the mountains behind him and the smiling stranger. He looked happy, hell if he was being honest, he had never seen a picture of himself where he looked like that. An uneasy feeling settled into his stomach and he made his way to the bedroom, where he was assaulted with more pictures of him and Dean. Meg had followed him and was just looking at him with a look of pity as she watched him turn all the pictures face down. He could feel her sad judgement and it just made him feel worse.

" Cassie, hun, what can I do for you?" She asked him.

Not knowing really where to start he just let it go,

" Will you break up with Dean for me? I know its a childish thing to do but I think I can live with that. Meggie, I don't know him and he obviously knows me very well and I can't imagine talking to him like this. I just can't. " He let his tired body fall back onto his bed and just laid there staring at the ceiling.

" I just have so much going on that I don't think I can handle breaking the heart of a stranger" He said. 

Meg sat there for longer than he cared to time without saying anything and then agreed. She wasn't shy about warning him that this was a rash thing to do and that chances are he was going to regret it, but she never tried to talk him out of it. In her own way she was cutting him a break. She helped him change into pj's and then climbed in next to him. She would settle her stuff in tomorrow. Before killing the light she looked at him wordlessly but Castiel could hear her loud and clear.

" I am sure" he said before rolling over and falling asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

When Meg came over and told Dean that Castiel didn't want to see him anymore his brain couldn't make the sentence work. Nothing in his life was making any sense. In less than a month Dean had gone from being the happiest man on Earth to feeling like he had caught fire and was burning from the inside out.

" What do you mean Meg? He doesn't want to see me, that, just, that " He couldn't even finish what he was trying to say.

Meg gave him a sympathetic look and he wanted to punch it right off her face. She had no idea what he was going through, but he had to remind himself to not shoot the messenger. He argued that he could help him, that he'd back off and give him space but that he didn't need to just end it. Things would get better, he just needed to talk to him. To make him see that he loved him and that he would do whatever it was that Castiel wanted as long as he didn't leave him.

Meg just shook her head,

" Hunny that's the problem right there. You are in love with him and you are willing to jump through hoops for him. That kinda commitment from a stranger is scary. He doesn't know a thing about you and you are willing to walk through fire for him. He's confused and scared and he needs to feel like he's in control of something and right now that something is this relationship." she told him. She was a kinder Meg since Castiels attack. She was truly trying to be a friend to him, but her loyalties were with Castiel and always would be. Dean tried arguing his point more but she wouldn't budge. She wasn't going to take any pleas back to Castiel. She would however keep Dean informed about how he was doing, for as long as Dean wanted to know.

Watching her leave Sammy was quick to try and talk to his brother but Dean just sat there. This was not happening. It was like he had been transported to an alternate universe where nothing made sense. He could hear Sammy talking to him but he couldn't understand a word he was saying. There was no way that this was his life now. He didn't know how to handle this. Slowly moving from the couch Dean grabbed his jacket and keys. Sammy was placing a hand on his chest.

" Dean stop. Talk to me." his little brother pleaded.

Dean just shook his head as he put on his jacket.

"There's nothing to say Sammy. Cas doesn't want to see me again because his heads broke. What good does it do me to argue with it. I can't even go and plead my case to him cause he doesn't fucking remember me" Dean started laughing, a high, hysterical laugh.

" He has no fucking clue who I am and he just sent his little friend over here to break up with me cause not only is his head broke, he reverted back to the third grade." His laughter had taken an angry turn and Sammy took a step back.

" I literally can't do a damn thing about any of this Sammy, what good would talking about it do? Screw that, as far as I am concerned, there's nothing to talk about. Ever." Dean said

"You can't just push your feelings away and ignore them Dean" Sammy said

" Watch me" Dean replied as he walked out the door.


	20. Chapter 20

While Dean spend the next month fighting, Castiel was relearning his life. He unpacked his apartment and had a mild panic attack about putting things in the wrong place. With Meg beside him he started navigating the city where he lived. Everything was new to him, it felt odd, being able to discover things twice. He spent his evenings going over his course schedule and felt fairly confident that he could resume teaching soon. He also spent a lot of time grilling Meg over everything. Except about Dean. He could handle what came with losing a huge chunk of his memory and move with it, but the thought of losing someone who obviously meant a great deal to him made him sick to his stomach. He had a never ending list of questions but wouldn't ask a single one. He had begun seeing friends that he had made again and everyone was trying really hard to treat him like nothing had happened but it seemed that the vast majority of his friends were linked to Dean in some way or another.

The night that Meg had thrown him a welcome home party he had overheard a couple of guys talking about Dean. He had listened to them talk about him fighting and how there was no stopping him right now. He wasn't going to school anymore, just fighting and working at the auto yard. Castiel spent the rest of the night floating around and trying to catch anyone speaking of Dean. Mostly he picked up the same thing, that Dean was on a hot streak, fighting like a man possessed. Now that his life was regaining some stability he found himself very curious about his ex. The only person Castiel felt comfortable talking to about Dean was his therapist. He'd been seeing one since shortly after he left the hospital. they had tried all kinds of things to help him try and regain his memory but so far nothing had worked and all Castiel had to show for it were a few short stories that meant nothing to him and a few failed attempts at drawing. Talking helped, Ellen was an outsider and it felt safe to tell her everything he wouldn't say to anyone else.

"Why don't you talk to him?" She asked him one afternoon. Castiel had been talking about overhearing some kids at the college talking about Dean and his fighting again.

"What? No, I couldn't do that. I mean I think I've hurt him enough don't you? " He said to her.

"You have no idea how much you've hurt him. He may be recovered, he may be a mess, but either way you would be talking to him and not lurking in the shadows waiting for overheard conversations." Ellen countered.

He thought about this for a minute, the thought had crossed his mind more than once but he always talked himself out of it.

" I wouldn't know what to say to him" he said.

" You could start with 'Hello I'm Castiel' I've heard things like that tend to work more than they fail" She said, smiling at him. When he left they had agreed that he would reach out and try and talk to Dean and he felt good about it. When he reached his apartment that good feeling was gone, replaced with a tight anxiety. He wanted to change his mind. This was crazy and there is no way he could do this. He was full throttle into talking himself out of it by the time he was inside. Meg was home and she could tell something was wrong. After a few minutes of relentless nagging he broke down and told her everything. She sat and listened until he was quiet and then said

" So you want me to call him for you or what?" her eyes had lit up while he was talking and you could tell she was a full supporter of the idea.

" What? No! Not yet. I mean, ugh, I don't know. What if he doesn't want to talk to me? I mean it's no more than I deserve for just cutting him off" He said to her.

Meg seemed to think this over for a few minutes and then snapped her fingers and jumped up from the couch.

"Get up my silly unicorn, we are going out." She sang to him.

Laughing he let her pull him from his spot "What?"

" You want to see Dean and maybe talk to him or maybe chicken out right? He's fighting tonight, we can go and if you decide to talk to him you can, if not we'll make sure and be sneaky" She told him.

He had to admit his mind was all over the place and he couldn't stop thinking about Dean. Maybe it was better to just jump first and think later. I mean he could always change his mind and leave. He agreed to go along and an hour later he and Meg were changed and heading in the direction of Dean Winchester.


	21. Chapter 21

Castiel was nervous when they got to the house in the woods. Someone had built a bonfire and there were people everywhere. The fight hadn't started yet but you could see where they were marking the area off, which meant it would be starting soon. Meg led him around, never leaving him and helping him with names. People he had never seen were coming up and saying hi, when he finally did recognize one person. A guy named Ash that he had met at his party. Meg had told him later that he and Ash had been really good friends in the before as Castiel had started calling it. Ash had seen him and was walking over when Meg went off to get them drinks.

" Hey man, how the hell are ya?" Ash asked him, pulling him into a half hug.

" Hey Ash, I'm good, I'm good" He told him and then looked around to see if anyone was with him. Castiel knew that Ash and Dean were close as well. Ash noticed him peeking around and laughed.

"What are you looking for?" he asked. Castiel straightened up and said " Nothing. Nothing just looking around. I've never been to one. " Ash raised one eyebrow and looked at him when Castiel added " Well I haven't been to once since the before I guess"

Ash laughed and clapped him on the back.

" You here to watch the fight?" he asked him. Castiel figured it wasn't revealing to answer yes, everyone was here to watch the fight.

Ash nodded and hooked his thumb over his shoulder towards where the fight would be " It's gonna start soon" He was trying to be cool and Castiel appreciated that but as nervous as he was he had to get over there. He had to see this Dean again. He had pictures of him but that wasn't the same as having an actual memory of a face. Making his way through the gathering crowd he found a spot where he could see but it was slightly darker.

Castiel could see Dean across the clearing. How in the hell had he managed to get someone like that? He was simply perfect. His black tee shirt showed his muscled frame in all the right ways. The fight had began and he could see what people were talking about. Dean fought like his life depended on it. He was focused and quick and it was over almost before it had begun. You could hear a collective groan from the crowd and some yelling for round two. Dean spoke to a guy wearing a shiny silver parka and then walked out of the clearing. The shiny man got the crowd under control and informed them all that they would indeed have another fight but not for two more hours.

Castiel slowly moved away from the clearing and remembered that he had taken off before Meg had returned with their drinks. Since that was the last thing they had discussed he decided to start there. Walking over to the pickup truck filled with ice chests, Castiel grabbed a beer and turned to leave when his eyes caught on him. Dean was just a few feet away and staring at him like he'd seen a ghost.


	22. Chapter 22

Panicking he looked around, desperate to see Meg so he could use her as a shield. A small crowd was starting to gather, having noticed the apparent standoff between them. Dean wasn't exactly being helpful, he was standing there just staring at him. Feeling kinda like a deer caught in the headlights, he was unsure if he should go forward or turn back. What the hell?

Crossing the few steps between them he extended his hand to the frozen man.

" Hello. I'm Castiel. " he said with only a slight shake in his voice. Dean looked at him hard and in such a way that Castiel was beginning to regret this whole damn thing when finally Dean took his hand and shook it.

"Dean" was all he said letting his hand slide slowly from Castiels. Once free from contact Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to stare at him. The crowd had simply not had enough, more and more people were coming over to find out what was going on and Castiel could feel his breathing pick up. It had been awhile since he'd had a panic attack but he knew all to well that one was heading his way. His eyes were darting around the crowd that was still building when Dean stepped closer and said quietly

"Cas are you okay? Do you need to get out of here?" His voice full of concern and compassion flooding his green eyes. Castiel felt a wave of gratitude wash over him as he nodded and allowed Dean to place a hand on his back to lead him away from the nosy onlookers. Dean guided him away from the crowd and soon he found himself in the makeshift parking lot, alone with his beautiful stranger.

"Thank you" Castiel said

"Are you okay? I can take you home if you need me to." Dean volunteered, genuine concern lacing his voice. He really had the most beautiful green eyes, Castiel thought to himself before answering him.

"I'm fine, thanks. I, uh, came with Meg so I probably should just go find her. Thank you for the offer though and the save back there. " He was chickening out, he had Dean right in front of him, the object of all his questions and he was turning and running away. Before he could take a step Dean had reached out and lightly grabbed his wrist.

"Wait. Please. Wait. " he said.

Castiel looked from the hand on him back to the face it belonged to. He could feel the heat coming off Deans skin from where he touched him and thought of course he's hot. Literally.

"I don't mean to be rude but why are you here? Its not really your scene." Dean asked him. Castiel debating on lying and blaming Meg for his being here but he suddenly had a surge of courage and decided to go with the truth.

"I wanted to see you." He told him. Castiel could see the flash of hope in Deans eyes and hated having to crush that.

" I still don't remember anything from before. I'm sorry. I just, I have a box full of pictures of you and us in my apartment, and I can't seem to learn much about myself from the before time that's not somehow intertwined with you. I know it seems horribly selfish to just show up but I don't know, I don't know anything about you and that feels wrong. You were obviously important to me." The words fell from Castiels mouth in a rush, as if a damn had broken and released what had been on his mind for weeks.

Dean stood there for a moment, then nodded.

"Okay, what do you want to know? " he asked, not angry but you could see the light in his eyes shift.

Castiel realized he had never actually thought this through to the point where he talked to Dean. In one fell swoop every question he'd been dwelling on had vanished so he said the first thing that came to his mind. It was truly the only question that mattered.

"Are you okay?"

Dean looked at him, eyes searching for anything to latch onto.

"Well, if someone had told me this morning that I'd be standing here with you tonight I would have told them how it wouldn't bother me a bit. That I'd wish you well and walk on." He broke his gaze and looked down to the ground.

"Now that you are really here I don't really know how I feel. I mean on one hand I am calm and I know your heads still broke so I know that we are still over. On the other hand you are really here and I want to touch you and kiss you and tell you how much I've missed you, but I know I'm not supposed to say any of that. I'm not sure if that answers your question or not"

Castiel wanted his memories back more than anything in the world. This beautiful man was saying beautiful things to him, and while they did make him feel things they weren't meant for him. At least not this version of himself.

"I'm such a stupid man. I'm sorry. I never should have come. It was a selfish thing to do." Castiel said, he did regret coming here but not for the reasons he thought he would. He wanted to be the person that Dean was missing but he wasn't. The black hole in his memory was sucking at him with confusion mixed with mild hysteria. Dean stepped forward and without thinking wrapped his arms around Castiel. Embracing him fully he began to take slow, deep breaths

"Breathe. Castiel just breathe with me." Dean said softly. Castiel gripped at his jacket and Dean tightened his hold. "Shhhhh, just breathe. Its okay. You're safe." Castiel listened to the sound of his voice, warm and raw as he matched his breathing with Deans. His mind was moving ninety to nothing and the tears slipped out before he could stop them. In no time, Castiel was crying full out and he just kept repeating " I don't know you. I want to know you"

Still breathing deeply, Dean stroked his hair and whispered to him " I know you baby, it'll be okay." 

He began to relax into him and his mind was clearing. Too tired to really feel the embarrassment, he allowed Dean to comfort him.

"Cas listen to me. I am better okay. I was angry for awhile but I'm better now. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did back there but seeing you took me off guard. I didn't mean to upset you. " Dean told him. Castiel allowed himself one more moment in his arms before pulling away.

"Its okay Dean, I knew coming here was probably not a good idea but I came anyways. I'm sorry, I should have planned this out better.I just wanted, I don't know. I just wanted to see you and talk to you and see if anything happened." Castiel told him. 

"Don't apologize, Cas, I know you don't remember me and I can't imagine what that must be like, but I will help you in anyway that I can. Just tell me what you need from me and I will do it." Dean told him and you would have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to hear the love that was flowing from his voice. Castiel knew it was probably a bad idea, he didn't want to hurt this beautiful man but he couldn't resist the pull he felt towards him anymore.


	23. Chapter 23

"Cassie" The voice called out, breaking the moment between the two men. Castiel turned to see Meg standing a few feet away, watching them with a concerned look.

" Castiel I should probably get back, I promised another fight tonight. Will you stay?" Dean asked him as he started back towards the party. Castiel had calmed down physically but inside he was still breathless.

"Yes, I'll stay" he answered. Dean winked at him and returned to the party. Castiel could feel the blush warm his cheeks and the goofy smile spread. Looking back to Meg his smile vanished as he saw the fire in her eyes.

"Just what do you think you are doing Cassie?" She demanded. Her voice was full of disapproval.

"I... what do you mean? I told you I wanted to talk to him and now I am." He told her, but even to him it sounded like a lie.

Crossing her arms and doing her best angry mom impersonation she scolded him

" You said you wanted to TALK to him, not grope him. I get it you are fascinated by him, but he is in love with you Cassie and you can't be reckless with his heart. You haven't asked about him at all so you couldn't possibly know what its taken to get him to where he is now. A lot of friends offering a lot of help. He's barely started healing. Don't break his heart twice."

Castiel could feel the shame wash over him. It had felt exciting and new to feel Deans arms around him but for Dean it had a completely different meaning. She was right, he was infatuated with the green eyed boy who was in love with him. He had to be careful and not lead him on. Castiel knew he had to be more careful. He followed Meg back to the party but he felt awful and wanted to go home. He had promised Dean he would stay for his next fight but now he was thinking that wasn't the best idea yet. He told Meg he wanted to leave but he had to tell Dean that he was leaving. Trying to show her that he had listened to what she said and was going to be more cautious in the future.

Finding Dean surrounded by a group of guys that Castiel had recently met again, he thought he knew their names. The tall one with long hair was Deans brother Sammy. Then there was Ash talking to a quirky looking man named Garth, and beside Dean was a surly looking man named Benny. They all saw him walking up and each man quit talking. Feeling very put on the spot Castiel just blurted out,

"I am heading home, I have to be at the college early tomorrow to take back over my class. I just wanted to tell you Good Luck and all." Well that was about as smooth as sandpaper, he thought to himself and turned to walk away before his face got any redder.

"Wait" Dean called to him, jogging to catch up with him.

"Wait. Please. Did I do something wrong?" Dean asked him, grabbing his arm to keep him from walking away. Castiel signed and turned to him. He knew that he was going to have to explain himself.

"No, no you are fine. I really do have to be back at the college in the morning and I honestly, I need to go slow with you. I mean I want to get to know you but let's face it, I am so completely distracted by you that I can't think straight. I think we should just ease into this friendship. Cause that's all we are, friends. " Castiel told him.

Deans eyes lit up and he leaned over and put his lips against Castiels ear " I distract you do I?" He whispered in his ear. Castiel felt his entire body ignite and thankfully Meg was there to pull him back from the flame.

"Dean Winchester don't make me sorry I defended you." She barked at the laughing boy.

" I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. Really though I understand and I will try my hardest to be a good boy." Dean said, then after catching a bewildered look from Meg he added "What? I said I'd try. That's a lot coming from me." And then winking at Castiel he turned and returned to the group of guys who had been watching the whole thing. 

Castiel allowed Meg to drag him back to the car and drive him home, grumbling about how they were both stupid boys who were bound and determined to live in a hurricane. He only halfway listened to her rant during the drive and as he was falling into bed he let him mind play back the memory of the evening. Finally an actual memory of the man who had occupied his thoughts, and it left him wanting more.


	24. Chapter 24

When Dean returned to his friends with one look he held up his hand before they even started.

" I know, I know. Okay. I am not gonna do anything stupid. I know he doesn't remember me but do you really expect me to tell him no when he asks something from me. You all know better than that." Dean told them all. His fight was coming up and it really couldn't get here fast enough. He was bursting at the seems with more energy then he's had in a long time. Even though he was projecting the opposite, he was holding on to the feel of Castiel in his arms again. The smell of his shampoo and the softness of his skin. He needed to hit somebody or he was gonna crack. He was going to do this for Cas, whatever took to keep his own feelings in check he was going to be there for his blue eyed boy in whatever way he needed him. 

The night flew by and before he knew it Dean was blinking the sun out of his eyes from his bedroom. Every morning was the same. He would wake up and for a wild minute he could pretend the nothing had happened. Then reality would come crashing down on him and the realization that Castiel had no clue who he was settled over him. At first he wouldn't even get out of bed. Then when his friends finally got him up it was a chore to keep him sober. Fighting let him burn off some of his anger but nothing was helping his heart. Still, he had never been alone. A testament to how amazing his friends were. When the night came where he drank so much that he had almost left a fight with a stranger, Meg, Jess and Charlie, Jess's best friend had to get Benny to knock him out to take him home. That had left him even more depressed then before if it was possible. Those three girls had helped him more than anyone. They had held his hand while he cried and tried every way they could think to make him smile. Charlie was the first to succeed in that area. 

For a solid week she showed up everyday with a new slew of movies and munchie food. She forced him to sit through the Harry Potter movies and had taught him how to play Dungeons and Dragons. She didn't ask him to be happy, she just asked him not to give up. At this point he had adopted her as his little sister and would protect her against anything, although he couldn't imagine anyone wanting to hurt her, she practically sparkled.

She was the first thing he saw when he walked into the kitchen. Sammy was still sleeping and no one else was here, but he had given up trying to figure out how she got in. He could fully get behind her having magical powers. She handed him a cup of coffee and pounced.

"Well?WELL? Am I gonna have to drag it out of you?" she demanded, red hair flying.

" What?" He said, trying to not burn his mouth on his drink.

"Dean Winchester don't you dare! I know you saw him last night and that you two talked?" She told him, her voice raising at the end to indicate she was asking him a question.

"Yeah but we are just talking. He wants to know more about me and I guess more about what we were." he told her, trying to reign in his fluttering heart.

Charlie raised one eyebrow and said "umm hum" not taking her eyes off him. Knowing that she was not gonna drop it he caved, he was going to tell her anyways, he just liked pulling her leg.

They sat in the living room as Dean recounted the events of last night. Charlie is the only one who will hear how it made him feel like he was being torn apart and glued back together at the same time when he held Castiel in his arms. How when he came to tell him he was leaving Deans heart hit his feet and his mouth went dry. How it made him feel like a million dollars when Cas confessed to being distracted by him. She was his closest friend now and she was the one place where he felt no judgement. She never let him down, listening intently with Awws and oh Deans in all the right places. When he finished she acted like there was more coming and when he failed to keep talking she asked him

"So you have your in, what are you gonna do with it?"

Dean just looked at her, not really following where she was headed. When he didn't answer she got frustrated in her little troll way.

" You mean to tell me that you haven't thought about it? How are you gonna make him fall in love with you again? This is your chance to be with him again, you just have to woo him" She said. Dean had to admit that the thought had not crossed his mind. He was so focused on getting the old Castiel back that he never thought about this. He sat there for a few minutes.

" But I have to be good. Just friends is all he wants and I am going to play by his rules." he told her. Charlie snorted and looked at him like he was the stupidest person in the world.

"Well no shit, you don't fall in love with strangers Dean, you fall in love with your best friend." she explained to him. Talking slow so he could catch up. He really hadn't thought about it before but now it seemed like the only way to go. Seeing that the idea was taking root, Charlie smiled and rubbed her hands together.

"Operation Destiel 2.0 underway" she said excitedly. Dean laughed at her and shook his head.

"Let me guess, you are gonna be our number one fan?" he said to her, feeling his heart swell over her friendship.

"Oh yeah, I ship you guys hardcore" She said smiling at her friend.


	25. Chapter 25

Castiel resumed teaching with only a few bumps, mostly interacting with the students. They were all kind and helpful but it was frustrating. He was talking to Ash after his class, he could understand his friendship with him, they had a lot in common, when Dean walked in his class. His green eyes lit up when they landed on Castiel. They hadn't seen each other since the fight, but they had been talking on the phone everyday and Castiel was slowly losing his nervous feeling around him.

"Afternoon boys, Ash you ready to go?" Dean asked never his taking his eyes off Castiel. He did that a lot, Castiel noted, just stared at him like he was never going to see him again. He probably did feel that to some degree, Castiel thought, after what had happened between them. Dean had been great so far, he answered any questions he had, no matter how embarrassing or uncomfortable. They had talked about how they met and Castiel felt like he was watching a beautiful story unfold in front of his eyes. Dean has shared with him a few of his memories that Castiel could tell he cherished. Once they had taken the Cog railway up to the top of Pike's Peak and Castiel's ears had popped so bad that he could hardly hear anything Dean said the entire time they were gone. Dean had eventually started miming things to him and then the whole car got in on it and a game of charades broke out. Then another time they had been walking through the Garden of the Gods when they passed the horse guided tour, one of the horses had taken itself up with Dean and they had to put blinders on it so Dean could leave without the horse following him.

Castiel asked him what their worst fight was and Dean seemed a little shy in telling him it was over a guy hitting on Castiel one night and Dean became so jealous that he hit the wall and put a hole in the sheet rock in Castiel's apartment. He had checked when he got off the phone that night and sure enough there was a hole behind his Our Lady Peace poster. According to Dean they didn't talk for a week after that and it was only when Dean came and stood outside his apartment door all night blasting songs from his iPod for hours that they finally made up. So far, Castiel couldn't see anything that he didn't like about Dean, except maybe the fact that he was in love with Castiels shadow. He had no hope in him that his memory would come back and was just trying to get his life moving forward with that blank space.

Now seeing him again was bringing up giddy feelings but not a full on panic-y feeling. Dean was still looking at him when Ash spoke up

"I was just fixing to invite Castiel but now that you are here I guess you can" Ash said to Dean, although it was obvious that neither of the other men were paying him any attention. Shaking his head he turned and left because he had no desire to watch them drool over each other any more than they already were.

"Invite me where?" Castiel asked.

Dean shifted and scratched the back of his head,

" Oh its just a get together at the apartment tonight. My friend Charlie just landed a role in Wicked that's performing in Denver and so we are throwing her a party. Would you like to come?" Dean asked him.

It took everything he had not to shout YES at him and scared the pants off of his boy. His boy. Where the hell did that come from? Something was up with him and Castiel felt bolder than usual.

" Are you asking me to go with you or just to go?" He asked. Deans face was hard to read as he answered " Which way will get you there?" Castiel thought about it and wanted to say anything would get him there, but he was trying to play it cool, but as soon as he opened his mouth that went out the window.

" Either" he told Dean.

" Right, so now you're my date, pick you up at six." Dean told him and then walked out of his class with a smile. 

 

Castiel must have changed his clothes 50 times. It got so bad Meg told him she was done with him and he was only allowed to call her again when he could explain the difference between black and a mild black. He had finally settled on jeans and a blue button down shirt that matched his eyes. Castiel was pacing the living room floor when he heard the knock at the door. The Civil Wars was playing from his iPod dock when he pulled the door open to see Dean standing there. At some point he had to know he looked like a rebel God with his neutral colors and layers over it all. As engrossed in Dean as he could be, Castiel didn't notice the slight tremor in Deans hand as he reached out to him.

" You ready?" Dean asked him as Castiel held up his trench coat to signal that he was. Dean started chuckling and Castiel stopped.

"What's so funny?" He asked. He had been nervous all afternoon that he wasn't going to show up enough for the green eyed boy.

"Nothing really, its just that something that you used to do every time I asked you that. In the before time" Dean explained.

Hearing things like that were relieving and frustrating at the same time. Apparently the only thing about him that had changed was his affection for Dean, and that was the only thing he wanted back. He couldn't get over the feeling that Dean wouldn't be completely happy with him if he never remembered. Shaking off what was sure to be a nice long pep talk to depression, Castiel placed his hand in Deans and felt a shudder run through his body.

"You cold?" Dean asked as he opened to door to baby so Castiel could climb in.

"Yes" he lied, not wanting to admit that Dean gave him goosebumps.

Castiel spent the car ride sneaking glances at Dean as he drove. He really was a beautiful man. When they arrived the party was in full swing. Dean introduced him to Charlie, the petite redhead who winked at him, reminding him of a female Dean, only perkier. The place was so packed that Castiel didn't object when Dean grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together. He did it so simply, without thinking, as if it was a reflex to having Castiel next to him. The sweet gesture caused his heart to swell and crack. Would it be okay? To fall for this man who was already there with him? Would he be enough with this black hole in his brain? Would he love him as well now as he apparently did before? These questions plagued him throughout the evening.

The night was winding down and most of the guests were either gone or in the process of leaving. The remaining bodies seem to be permanent fixtures in the apartment. Castiel was talking to Charlie, Jess, Meg and Sammy while Dean and Benny were tinkering with Dean's guitar. Garth and Ash were playing video games on the floor and arguing over console preferences. It all had melted down into a relaxed feeling. This was a family as sure as anything and Castiel felt apart of it for the first time since he'd woken up with a broken brain. He felt like he was home.


	26. Chapter 26

Dean walked over and whispered something into Charlie's ear, flashed a smile at Castiel and then walked away. Charlie grabbed one of Castiels hands and was all but bouncing. He noticed everyone in the room had gone quiet and they were looking at him. Before he could ask, Charlie spoke up.

" So I know it's my party and all but I wanted to do this. Castiel I know that you are all Humpty Dumpty right now, and that blows, but you also missed Christmas so I wanted you to at least get your presents." She explained to him with a huge smile on her face. Still slightly confused and feeling very put on the spot he cleared his throat and managed to choke out an "Ok" and then he was overcome with gifts. Laughing he felt like he was living out some kind of childhood dream. Jess and Sammy had given him a book series on Angels that he couldn't wait to dive into. Ash gave him a Book on dead languages and a flash drive with a band he was really into. Garth gave him a plaid shirt, Meg of course had given him his presents already. Charlie helped him clean up the mess of wrapping paper and then told him

"I didn't know you before but I wanted to give you something too. I convinced him" Pointing to Dean " To give you his present"

Looking around the room he heard the first notes from Deans guitar. Turning he saw him standing in the middle of the living room, looking towards Castiel.

"It's not a lot, its called 'You're the Reason I Come Home' " Dean said and then began singing to him, quietly at first and then really getting into it. Taking a seat on the couch across from Castiel, Dean really belted out the chorus, strong and tender at the same time. 

You're the reason I come home  
You're the reason I come home my love  
You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart  
You're the reason I come home

 

Never once did he take his eyes off of Castiel. He was good. SO good and he was singing to HIM. Castiel didn't know how this wasn't a dream, it was just too good to be true. This remarkable man was singing this beautiful song to him and Castiel knew that he would love him. Memories or no he would love this man til the day he died. How could he not? 

The song was so tender and sweet and Castiel could see that Dean still meant every word he was singing to him. The sudden burst of love for Dean sparked so bright and so high that Castiel felt that his heart remembered Dean even if his brain did not, which was a comforting thought. When he finished singing, Castiel handed Charlie his presents and got up, walking over to Dean.

" Thank you. That was beyond beautiful. I've never had anyone sing to me before and such an amazing song." Castiel said, taking his hand between his own. He could hear movement around them and it seemed that everyone was making a good show of how they were not watching them.

"You loved that song. You used to play it for me all the time when I stayed at your place, and I just wanted to give you something that no one else could." Dean told him, then winding his arms around his waist he pulled him closer.

"Would you dance with me?" he asked even though they had both started moving slowly. Castiel allowed himself to float with his boy for a few moments and then sighed, saying

" I should probably get home." and not hiding his disappointment. Dean nodded but then asked him " Do you want to leave?"

"No" Castiel told him quickly, not even having to think on it.

" Stay with me" Dean whispered to him as they continued to move in a slow circle. He should go slower. This was not what he had planned on. He felt kinda stupid cause in all his daydreaming he had not seen this coming, but now that he was here he couldn't believe that he had been anywhere else.

"I don't know. I mean, lets face it, I am crazy about you, but this is all new to me. You, you have already done this and what if I do something wrong, or I am not as good as I was the first time around? What if I am not good enough?" Castiel said, his doubts flowing out of him finally.

Dean stopped moving and looked at Castiel.

"Are you serious? You think that, what, you could love me wrong? Cas, you are still you no matter what. You haven't changed as much as you think you have. I don't need you to be who you were, I just want you to be yourself. That's who I am in love with. Stay with me. I will spend the rest of my life showing you that you are more than enough." Dean told him.

It's hard not to be affected by the kind of devotion Dean had for him. In this one moment Castiel didn't care if he had forgotten Dean ten times before, here, right now he wanted to love him and allow Dean to love him in return.

"yes" He whispered.

The look of pure joy on Deans face was something that Castiel would remember forever. Broken head or not.


	27. Chapter 27

Winter passed into spring, and before he knew it summer was almost upon them, bringing clear skies and a feeling of happiness that Castiel never thought was possible. His memory was still no where to be seen but here he was, in love with the boy he'd forgotten. It seemed almost unfair that Castiel had been lucky enough to find love twice with the same man. Dean was true to his word. No matter what happened in his life, at this point in time Castiel knew what he meant to Dean. These were Casitels thoughts as they sat in the sun, Dean strumming his guitar and humming to himself.

"Shouldn't you be doing push ups or something to get ready for tonight?" Castiel asked. Dean was fighting tonight, he had stopped for the last few months so he could get caught back up on school. Castiel had hounded him about going back and finally he caved. With the school year almost over, it was time to get back to his first love. Dean looked up at him and smiled.

" Nah, I am so amped that I have no doubt tonight will go my way." he told him. " In fact, I am so wound up that maybe you should help me take my mind off of it" Dean said as he placed his guitar on the ground, moved the papers that Castiel was grading and slowly crawled over the now laughing boy. Castiel couldn't help but laugh, Dean was just so, so, Dean sometimes. Placing his hands on Deans chest he put up a fight, a very small, lousy fight but a fight all the same.

" Calm down big boy. Save your energy for tonight" but his protests were lost as Dean kissed him, tenderly with a building heat. Surrendering completely, Castiel faded into Deans kiss. Allowing the moment to last longer than he could afford, Castiel pushed Dean up, trying to catch his breath and focus. Which was extremely hard with a man like Dean wrapped around you.

"If you want me to come and watch you tonight, then you are going to have to let me finish these papers." Castiel told him, offering one last kiss as a consolation prize. Dean pouted for a second but then jumped up and offered his hand to Castiel

" Can I offer you a ride home then sir?" He asked playfully. Castiel laughed and allowed his handsome boy to pull him to his feet. The drive to Castiels apartment was over far too soon for his liking but he needed to get these papers graded if he wanted to go to the fight tonight and there was absolutely no way he was going to do that around Dean. Jumping out of the car before Dean could put her in park Castiel called over his shoulder " I'll see you later babe" and in a flash he was gone with Dean chuckling in the front seat.

The field was packed more than normal, even with the temperature dropping rapidly. Castiel was wrapped up in Dean leather coat, surrounded by his little makeshift family. Apparently Castiel had bought this for him for Christmas in the before time and after some goading from Meg, he broke down and gave it to him a few weeks ago. Castiel almost imploded from the look on Deans face when he opened the box. That had been the first night that when Dean leaned his forehead against Castiels and said " I love you" Castiel responded with " I love you back".

Smiling to himself at the memory, he didn't notice that there was a disturbance going on around him until a trashy redhead popped up in front of him.

"How's little Cassie wassie?" She said in a thick Scottish accent. She didn't come into their group alone, Castiel could see a few thugs with her and all eyes were on him and the obnoxious woman in front of him.

" I'm fine" He spit out at her, just wanting to get away from her.She instantly made his skin crawl. Suddenly Meg and Charlie were standing in between them and not one woman in that small circle looked happy.

"Rowena, what brings you out of the sewers on this fine evening?" Meg snarled at the redhead. Charlie had crossed her arms and was planted firmly between himself and Rowena. Castiel had no idea what was going on but he was having a hard time deciding on who he would put his money on in this fight. He knew Meg was scrappy but Charlie looked fierce right now and he almost felt sorry for the newcomer. Almost.

" I just came to check on the walking black hole. See how his wittle head is feeling" Rowena answered and let out a nail grating laugh. She walked closer to the girls standing in front of him, and reached out with both hands and stroked the side of each girls face. Charlie grabbed her wrist just as Meg shot out a hand and wrapped her fingers around the womans arm.

"Tsk,tsk. You don't want to be causing trouble and getting escorted out now do ya? Who would protect your little angel?" She purred to them as they each released their hold on her. She turned and walked back to her thugs that were silently waiting and then was gone. No one said anything for awhile, only exchanged weird faces between them when Castiel spoke up.

"What the hell was that all about?" Looking from face to face in his small circle of friends. No one seemed to really know what had just taken place but all were of the agreement that Rowena was trouble and she was up to something.

"Wouldn't surprise me though, I mean she does run with Crowley" Meg said as they were discussing what she could be doing. Something pricked in the back of Castiels mind at the mention of Crowley, but he wasn't sure what. The only thing he knew was that it was who Dean was fighting tonight and that they had something of a long rivalry between them that bordered on nasty.

Soon the incident was forgotten as they moved to take up a place by the ringside. The fight was fixing to start and Castiel wanted to be as close as he could.


	28. Chapter 28

Dean was already there, having come out from where ever it was that he went before a fight. His face lit up like the sun when he saw Castiel, causing an instant smile to mirror back to him. Dean walked over and handed Castiel his shirt and jacket, then leaned over and lightly kissed his cheek. " Cheer loudest?" he whispered in Castiels ear. Unable to respond, because his voice just forgot how to work, Castiel nodded, a deep red blush on his cheeks. Dean never worried what people thought of them, if he wanted to kiss him, he did. Castiel loved that about him, from what he'd been told this wasn't the case in the before.

Turning back to the ring, the fight was just taking off and Castiel could see Rowena on Crowleys side and as he saw her, she blew him a kiss. Shivering from the utter creepiness that was that woman he focused on his very handsome boyfriend. He could see the two fighters exchanging words here and there, but for the most part Dean was smiling as he floated around Crowley. Landing a hit here and there, you could tell he was playing with the man, and it was steadily getting to Crowley. After a very high impact moment the two men got tangled up and looked like they were hugging in a weird way but when they separated Crowley was laughing and the smile had left Deans face. Castiel watched as Dean looked from Crowley to Cas and back again and then as if a bomb had exploded Dean tore into the shorter man like a wild animal. Crowley wasn't even trying to fight back, he was laughing in a sick and twisted way as the guys that called themselves security stepped in and pulled Dean off of the crazy laughing man.

Chaos was erupting around them. Two men were trying desperately to hold Dean while others were shielding Crowley to get him to safety. The entire scene was surreal. Crowley was covered in blood, his face swelling so bad on one side you wouldn't be able to tell who he was from that angle. Dean was growling and spitting profanities and threats of death at the beaten man, his owns hands broken open and bleeding. His face was deep read and he looked as if he might actually explode at any minute.

Castiel was then being pushed and pulled away from Dean. Meg had his hand but their grip was slipping and she was lost in a sea of faces all too soon. He could hear Sammy calling his name but couldn't tell which direction it was coming from, there was too much happening at once. Castiel couldn't breathe with all the bodies pushing in on him and then suddenly the man standing in front of him was pushed violently to the side and Benny grabbed his hand.

"What...?" was all Castiel managed to get out before the strong man was pulling him through the crowd and towards the trees marking the surrounding forest. When they past the tree line, Benny released his hand and started pacing, looking through the trees.

"Thank you Benny" Castiel choked out between rapid breaths.

"Tis my job" Benny grumbled back at him and that was the end of their interaction. Castiel was trying to get his breathing under control but he could feel the panic washing over him despite his best efforts.

Sammy and Jess were the first to arrive followed quickly by Meg, Charlie, Ash and Garth, but no Dean. The guys were talking quietly while the ladies were staying close to Castiel, trying to help him calm down, but each passing second that failed to produce his boyfriend was agonizing. Castiel was in a full blown panic attack when Dean finally came through the trees. Looking til he found Castiel, Dean crossed the space between them in three steps and gathered Castiel into his arms. Dean's embrace was so tight Castiel thought he might faint, but it felt so good to have Deans arms around him. Castiel had buried his face in Deans chest but he could feel everyone looking at them, when after a moment Sammy asked what they were all thinking.

" Dude." He said to his brother, " What. The. Hell?"

Dean remained quiet for a few moments longer before he answered, stroking Castiels hair and keeping a tight grip on his shaking boyfriend.

" I don't even.." Dean started, Castiel could feel every muscle in his body tensing up again so he tightened his grip on him, not really caring to hear the story of why right now. All he cared about was that he was with Dean and they were both okay. Castiel was being gripped by a fear he had never felt before and the only thing keeping him from losing it completely and screaming into the trees was the man holding him.

Dean cleared his throat " I think we need to go home and have this conversation"

"But Dean..." Sammy started but was cut off

" No Sammy, we can't do this here. Let's get back to the apartment and I will tell you what happened, but right now we have to get Cas out of here and I mean like ten minutes ago. " He told his younger brother.

"He's not safe here" Dean concluded and released his hold on Castiel to simply holding his hand. Dean was pulling him away from the group and towards where they had parked Baby on an old dirt road away from everyone else.

"We'll meet you guys there" Was the last thing he called over his shoulder as they left their group of friends behind in utter confusion. Castiel couldn't blame them for how they felt cause he was just as confused, but he trusted Dean more than anyone in this world. If he said get the hell outta dodge, then that's exactly what they were going to do.


	29. Chapter 29

Dean said nothing as they made it to the car. He opened the door for Castiel and was in and on the road faster than normal. Dean had pulled Castiel next to him on the bench seat before they took off, not wanting any space between them. When they reached the apartment Dean shut off the car and sat there. Castiel had pushed past his panic attack but he still had a lingering sense of fear and Dean's behavior was making it worse.

"Castiel before we go in and talk to everyone I need to talk to you. " Dean said quietly. He had turned towards Castiel and was holding his hands between his own.

"What is it Dean? What happened back there? What did he say to you?" The questions poured out of Castiel, surprising himself. Deans face went tense and you could see his jaw grinding, the anger that he had let loose before was barely reigned in under the surface.

" He told me...that son of a bitch told me that he was the one who took you on Christmas eve. He told me that he let all his buddies take shots but that it was primarily him and that redheaded bitch Rowena." Dean growled between his teeth.

Castiel sat back, his brain was swimming and it was just getting worse. HE couldn't remember anything about what happened to him so there was no telling if what Crowley said was true or not, but Dean seemed to believe it. I mean sure, the thought that it was someone that he had known and who could have just callously done that to him made him mad, but he'd had almost six months to get used to it just being blank. Also, he couldn't see what it would matter if it was true, he couldn't verify it so it was Deans word against Crowleys and right now, Dean looked like the bad guy. Ohh, he was so mad at his stupid broken head!

"Dean, babe, lets go inside. I know this is upsetting and we can talk about it more out of the car and with everyone. I can't remember anything, still, and this is gonna take more time to process than I am wanting to spend in the car." Castiel told his very visibly upset boyfriend. Dean looked taken back but got out of the car, letting Castiel slide out the drivers side before shutting the door. The short distance to the apartment didn't keep Dean from holding Castiel close to him on the walk there. They seem to be the last to make it in, as there was a bustle of activity going on when they opened the door.

Everyone stopped the moment Dean walked in and the apartment grew quiet. Seeing no way to delay further Dean spilled what Crowley had said to him during the fight, then just kept talking.

" After he said that and I looked over at you" Dean said looking hard at Castiel, " I just lost it, I couldn't see straight and all I could think about was hitting him until he couldn't laugh anymore. I know I shouldn't have, but it was like,...like something snapped inside of me. After everything there was something I could do about what had happened to you. I could kill that smarmy little shit. I don't feel bad about what I did to him and I would do it again. I am sorry if I scared you. That was not my intention, I just..." Dean trailed off, letting his head drop down and looking at the floor. Castiel could see the tear roll down his nose and fall to the hardwood.

The romantic in Castiel wanted to see this as a good thing, but the logical side of him just couldn't. I mean, how did they even know that Crowley was telling the truth? What if he was lying just to get a rise out of Dean and get him in trouble? I mean lets face it, Dean could get into a lot of trouble for the beating he just handed out, and sure, everyone saw Crowley say something to Dean before he snapped but no one could hear what it was. As Castiel was mulling this over Meg said what he had going through his mind.

" I mean, I get it, I do...but he was trying to get under your skin and you and Castiel are no secret. He knew where to go after you at and he won. No matter what did or didn't happen he got the best of you and now, now what?" She told him.

Dean just looked defeated.He just couldn't understand why Castiel wasn't taking this harder and then he had a thought that made him want to throw himself off a bridge. He knew that he shouldn't have done what he did but it happened. He loved his friends but they were right, he could get into a lot of trouble over this, but that wasn't the biggest thing that was bothering him. As the realization of what all this really meant washed over Dean he knew there was only one thing for him to do and it had to be soon. 

" It's my fault. What happened to you is my fault." Dean said and then got up and walked into his room shutting the door behind him.


	30. Chapter 30

Castiel sat there just staring at Deans closed door from the couch. For a few moments no one had said anything, then they beginning talking in hushed tones. They were all bouncing between being upset over his outburst and what it could mean for him, to being sympathetic to him feeling responsible for Castiels injury. They tried including him into the conversation but he didn't have anything to say to anyone right now. He was busy trying to figure out how he was feeling.

Did he wonder if Crowley was telling the truth? Yes. Was he worried about what Dean was going to have to face if charges were pressed? Yes. Was he scared of Dean? No. Did he think it was stupid that Dean blamed himself for Castiels attack? Yes, that was just stupid. Why did Dean think this? Why did he shut himself away from everyone? What could Castiel do to make this better? The last question played over and over again in his mind. He knew that he should feel something towards Crowley with the claim to his attack, but he just couldn't. Not being able to remember anything helped with the numbness in that area.

After about an hour of mindlessly listening to everyone replay the night over and over, Castiel finally got up and walked to Deans door, knocking softly

" Dean, can I come in?" Castiel asked nervously. He was hoping that he had given Dean enough time to cool off a little and get his thoughts together but maybe not.

Castiel waited before knocking again.

"Dean? I'm coming in..." Castiel said as he slowly turned the knob....

 

 

 

Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't this. The closet door was opened and Deans clothes were gone, drawers were hanging and partially empty and Deans window was wide open, a chilling breeze blowing in.

Not quite processing what he was seeing Castiel stepped farther into Deans room.

"Dean?" Castiel whispered, the realization that there was not going to be an answer settled over him and the weight was unbearable. Stumbling backwards, into the living room, Castiel turned, all eyes on him as the last of the blood seem to leave his head.

"He's gone."

 

" He's so gone." Castiel cried as the blackness swallowed him, giving him a slight reprieve from his breaking heart.


	31. Chapter 31

Dean didn't think long cause he knew he needed this. He had packed his bag in less than five minutes and was on the road in fifteen. He couldn't stay there any longer. He wasn't scared of the cops coming or anything like that, he was scared of Castiel. How much did he hate him right now for ruining his life? He never would have been attacked if it wasn't for his involvement with Dean. He'd ruined everything, and to top it off, Dean was pretty sure Crowley knew he was going to get beaten and set Dean up. His friends were right about that. It was Deans word against Crowley's and his defense wasn't looking to good.

Then Dean comes full circle to the fact that that son of a bitch kidnapped his Castiel and beat him within an inch of his life. His anger grew white hot and full-blown and it took everything he had not to turn around go kill the little dick and all his cronies. The thought was so tempting, but Dean kept his cool, he was trying to put as many miles as he could between himself and the apartment as he could before someone noticed he was gone. He'd call Sammy later and explain, he just had to leave. Dean didn't think he could take Castiel leaving him again, but he also couldn't bring himself to face his blue eyed angel. He was so ashamed and the guilt was almost to much to bear. This was better. Castiel could finally move on with his life after the attack and he wouldn't have a daily reminder of that horrible experience.

Dean had no idea how long he'd been driving or when the tears started, but sometime around dawn he had to pull over. Allowing himself five minutes to give in to his sorrow, he let the sobs wreck hell through his body til he was out of breath, sore and so tired. He had driven all night and was so close to Bobbys he could taste it, but his body and brain were so tired and emotionally he was done. Crawling over to the backseat he let the weariness pull him under, to a place where he was with Cas and none of this had ever happened. A place where Cas could still love him.

After a few hours sleep Dean was on the road again and was pulling into Bobbys by noon. Raising his hand to knock, the door was just about ripped from its hinges as Bobby yanked on the wood.

"What the actual hell ya idjit?" Bobby asked.

Ignoring his question, Dean slung his bag over his shoulder and moved past Bobby into the house. Dropping his gear on the hardwood, Dean poured himself a generous helping of whiskey, drained it in one gulp, poured another and fell into the worn couch as Bobby watched, still waiting for an answer that Dean didn't want to give.

" Can't I just pop in to see you for a few days old man?" Dean joked, but his voice fell flat. Bobby had followed him and perched on the corner of his favorite antique desk, arms folded."Really boy? You think you can bullshit your way past me? Tell me I raised you better than that." Was all Bobby said to him.

Dean knew it was true, just like he knew that Bobby was all caught up on what was going on thanks to Sammy. Dean drained his glass for the second time and poured a third, feeling his tongue loosen up.

" What time did Sammy call you?" Dean asked.

" around 3 am...woke me up outta a dead sleep freaked as all get out. Now I don't give a shit what you do or don't want to tell me, but I promise you this boy, if you are gonna keep drinking my good whiskey then you are gonna give me some answers" Bobby told him, grabbing the bottle from Deans hands and taking a long swig before handing it back. Sammy had clued him in on what he could, but Bobby knew there was more.

Dean thought for a few moments and decided it might be nice to talk about it. Pouring and killing another double shot he started telling Bobby everything. Bobby was not like his dad, John never liked the fact that Dean was gay, but tolerated it. Bobby never judged. He always listened and gave him good advice, whether he wanted it or not.

After he finished telling Bobby about the fight and all that had occurred, the whiskey was finally taking hold, although that didn't stop Dean from drinking or talking.

" Bobby, I just can't, man I don't know. It was my fault. His heads broke cause he was with me. Man I am toxic and dangerous to people, just like John always said. The best thing I ever did for him was leave." Dean told him as he finished the bottle and got up to retrieve a new one. He was going to try his hardest to kill his pain, cause that's the one thing he couldn't tell Bobby. He missed Cas so much and the thought of never seeing him, it just killed something inside of Dean.

Grab another bottle, drink the sorrow down. Dean thought to himself. He was trying his hardest to drown the look on Castiels face when he was sitting in the car with him. His beautiful Castiel, what wouldn't he do to protect him. Dean stumbled back to the couch with a fresh bottle. Bobby was texting on his phone,

"Telling Sammy where I am?" Dean asked, a slur starting to hint at the edge of his words. Bobby finished his typing and set his phone down.

"No ya moron, I texted Sammy the moment you pulled in my driveway. No matter your problems, you shouldn't leave the boy like that. I let him know you were here, not safe cause I haven't figured out if I am gonna kick your ass or not yet, but here in one piece." Bobby told him. Dean was only halfway listening to him at this point, the whiskey was doing its job.

" Bobby lets forget about all that and just let it go. Turn on the radio man and lets pretend I am here for fun." Dean said from his spot on the couch. Bobby sat there, not sure if he should give in to his drunk adopted son, but Dean never asked for anything and this was killing him, so Bobby gave in and dropped the subject. Dean needed this little reprieve from his pain, whether it was real or not. Dean continued to drink for the next few hours and when Bobby helped him up to one of his spare rooms it was all he could do not to let his hands slip and drop him down the stairs.

"Bobby! Bobby, Bobby, you haves to listens to me. Cas...Cas is perfects...hes my wonderful Bobs" for some reason Bobs just caused Dean to lose it and it was not a fun time for all.

"Bobs! BOBS! Bobs I lurve you, you are alesome and mes so glad that yous are here." Dean babbled at him as Bobby helped him into bed at 5 in the afternoon.

"Bobs! Bobby! Listen...Castiel is heaven. Hes MY heaven. Please don't tell him, I not want him to feel the sads" Dean slurred before passing out.

After waiting half an hour to make sure Dean wasn't going to make a drunken run for it, Bobby went about his day. Granted there wasn't much to do, but he had neglected the little he had to be there for his boy. Also, Bobby wasn't an idjit, and Sammy was on his way here now to try and talk some sense to his older brother. Bobby gave him a paternal shoulder, now he needed a swift kick in the ass, and Sammy was the best person for the job.


	32. Chapter 32

Dean awoke with a start when he was suddenly soaking wet. Jerking up into a sitting position his head gave an almighty throb and the world tilted on its axis. His stomach was doing some kind of wild dance and he just barely made it to the bathroom. He was dying, this is what dying felt like, Dean was sure of it.

" You really are a piece of work, you know that right?" a voice that Dean had not expected to hear asked him.

"Charlie...go away" Was all he could manage before a fresh round of dry heaves took over him.

" I most certainly will NOT go away Dean Winchester. You need someone to kick your ass and we are all agreed that it should be me. What the hell man? You go bonkers and then make a statement like you did and then left! You left and we all panicked. You should feel like ass right now and I am in no way sorry that you are hugging the toilet right now. Twas a very shitty move sir and you know it." Charlie scolded him, the whole time getting a cold washcloth for his head. She was mad as a hornet at him, but she also loved him dearly.

Handing him the washcloth she then leaned against the door frame while he pulled himself together. He had lost all his privacy privileges when he pulled that stunt last night. Dean recovered and then brushed his teeth, glaring at Charlie who just smiled at him. Damn she was infuriating sometimes. Finishing up he followed her out of the bathroom and into the little spare bedroom.

"So what, you rode up with Sammy just to give me a hard time? I don't need any help feeling like an ass, I am doing fine on my own there. " Dean said as he sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his temples.

"Dean, " Charlie started as she sat beside her friend on the bed, " We came to get you to come home hun. You can't run away from this. From Castiel. Dean, his heart is breaking right now and he doesn't deserve that. You love him, he loves you, you both can work together to figure this Crowley thing out. Just come back with us."

Dean knew that she was trying her best but this was not something he wanted to talk about sober, much less hungover. He didn't want to snap at her but he couldn't do this right now.

" I appreciate it Charlie, I really do, but I am not gonna change my mind." was all he told her as he got up and walked out of the bedroom. He knew Sammy was here and he wanted to let him know to back off before he built up to much steam. Sammy on a crusade was almost impossible to stop when he got in stride.

True to form, Sammy was in the sitting room with Jess and Bobby. Dean walked in, followed by a disgruntled looking Charlie. Glaring at Bobby, Dean turned to his little brother and just shook his head as he passed them on his way to the kitchen. He loved them for trying but he just couldn't explain it without sounding crazy. He knew that it didn't sound logical to his friends, but they hadn't been there with Crowley. Dean KNEW he wasn't lying about what he did to Cas and in the end that was Deans fault. He was always so careful not to broadcast his brief relationships in the past, and he had tried doing that with Cas the first time, but he had been blinded. There was nothing that could ever take away what happened to Cas because of Dean and he had to live with that guilt forever.

Trying to put off the conversation as long as he could, Dean dawdled in the kitchen, standing in front of the open fridge but not really seeing anything inside. After about ten more minutes of just wandering around, Dean finally went into the sitting room. As much as he loved them all, they were not smooth, going silent as soon as he walked in like they hadn't just been talking about him. Taking a place on the couch next to Charlie, Dean leaned in, his elbows resting on his knees and spoke to the entire room.

" I know you guys are here to try and get me to go back, but I just can't. I want you all to understand this. I can't go back and look Castiel in the face. Guys, I am the reason he was hurt to begin with and as much as you want to try and argue that, you can't. He never would have been hurt like that if he hadn't been with me. It nearly killed me when he woke up with no idea who I was, but I was lucky enough to get a second chance with him, but this, this I can't get past. I can't see the disappointment in his eyes looking at me. He is everything to me and I just have to be gone. He deserves a good, happy, safe life without a constant reminder of his bad decisions walking around him all the time, cause I know I am not strong enough to be close to him but not with him. I know you all will want to try and change my mind, but save your breath. I can't go back, it would make us both miserable and he deserves better than that. Better than me."

Dean paused, fighting the tears that wanted to fall more than anything, but he had to finish this. Taking a deep breath he continued.

" So please, if you really wanna help or be there for me, then just do that. Don't try and get me to go back. Lets just pretend its a weekend away at Bobby's and have a good time. Please, just give me a break this one time." he plead.

He looked so defeated that not one person could argue with him.


	33. Chapter 33

Dean knew that his friends didn't agree with him, but they were kind enough to back off. No one talked about what had happened, instead they drank and listened to music. They talked and laughed about completely trivial things, they gave him the space he asked for. What else could they do?   
When night fell and everyone started dividing up sleeping spots, Sammy and Jess took one spare room while Dean was still in the other. He tried to get Charlie to bunk with him, but she said she was perfectly fine with the couch and wouldn't budge. To tired to argue he helped her find some extra blankets and pillows.   
" Charlie, I want you to know that I appreciate what you came here to try and do. I appreciate it kiddo" Dean told her as they fixed up the couch into a suitable bed.   
" Yeah, yeah, I am awesome and Dean Winchester must bow down to me, but seriously, I just want to see you happy. Remember that next time you are mad at me. " She replied, smiling at him.   
Giving her a hug before heading upstairs Dean says,   
" Yeah right, that may not happen for awhile" and then walks out of the room before he could hear her say, " Maybe sooner than you think" 

Dean was paralyzed. Crowley was beating Castiel in front of him and there was nothing he could do to stop it, he couldn't even scream. Blow after blow, Castiel crying out for help and all Dean could do was sit there, mute. He couldn't even shut his eyes. As soon as Castiel lost consciousness, the whole thing started again. After what seemed like an eternity Dean finally found his voice and screamed " CASTIEL". 

"Shhh, Dean, it's okay. Dean, Dean can you hear me? It's okay. It's just a bad dream." The soft voice told him. This had to be part of the dream to, because there was no way that Castiel was at Bobbys. Not wanting to wake up from this he kept his eyes closed, a single tear making its way from his eye down his face. But this didn't feel like a dream, Dean could feel that he was covered in sweat and tangled up in his sheet. He could smell Old Spice and whiskey, the signature scent to Bobby Singers home. If this wasn't a dream then that meant...  
His eyes flew open and sure enough there he was. Castiel. 

 

Deans brain was still trying to push back his nightmare, but with Castiel in front of him it was harder. This was why he had left, his guilt couldn't be in the same room with his boy. He had tried to outrun his guilt and it failed cause it was all rushing to the surface with Castiel sitting in his bed, Deans hands in his own, trying to calm him down. It was absurd.   
" But Cas..." Dean started, still trying to find a way to make his mouth move. He could still feel the loss of his voice in his dream, the paralyzing fear of what was coming.   
" No Dean, you don't get to talk right now." Castiel told him firmly. 

" I drove all night to get here, so you don't get to talk" Dean could hear Cas fighting back the tears in his voice and that just made this a thousand times worse. If he had been angry enough at Dean to drive here then there was no way this was going good. He had to take it though, if this was what Cas needed then he owed him that much.   
"You are a stupid, stupid man and I want to hate you right now. You...you...just infuriate me sometimes. Did you think I couldn't handle, I don't even know, why did you leave? Why sneak off in the middle of the night? Because you have delusions of getting me hurt? Dean I knew what I was getting into with you and I did it anyway, you didn't force me into anything and you damn sure aren't the reason I got hurt. Don't even try to argue with me, I am not gonna budge on this. You didn't do anything wrong. Do you understand me? I am alive, and I am fine and you don't get to just check out because you feel guilty about something that may or may not have happened. Maybe Crowley is telling the truth but you know what, I don't care. I don't give a rats ass if its true or not. It's over, it's done and maybe it'll come back, or not. Either way, I am not gonna just stand by while you go hide."   
Castiel was on a roll and Dean was not gonna interrupt him. He had a feeling that Cas might actually haul off and hit him if he tried. Castiel was crying now and Dean could feel his own tears escaping his eyes. He wanted to believe Castiel but he just couldn't buy into the fact that he wasn't going to hold this against him. Maybe not now, but in the future.   
" Dean stop. I can see it in your face that you are talking yourself down while I am talking to you. I don't know how to make you believe me. I mean, no I can't remember our time before but Dean, I know my heart knows you. I love you, you stubborn man and nothing is going to change that. Ever. Please just...just trust me. Trust ME Dean." Cas pleaded and Dean knew his heart couldn't take anymore. Not like this. 

Dean placed his hands on Castiels face and pulled him is til their foreheads were resting against one another.   
"Oh Cas, you are not making this easy" Dean whispered, letting his thumb caress Castiels jawbone. " and I never will" Castiel whispered back and tilted his head up so that their lips met. He could feel Dean trying to resist, " Be my last first kiss?" he spoke against Deans lips and that was it. Dean pulled Castiel closer and lost himself in the warm of his mouth. His Cas, always his. Deans kiss built up and the fire between them flared as they surrendered one to another. Dean broke free just to scatter Castiels face with light kisses while whispering to him " I am so sorry. Forgive me." 

Castiel stopped him and looked deep into Deans eyes, " Don't ever leave me Dean."   
"Never"


End file.
